<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Aries by orphan_account</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112582">Aries</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gorillaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2D's autistic because I'm autistic and I feel like it, Angst, Anyways, Blood and Injury, Bonding, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, It's like a healing fic that almost fits in canon but also there's gonna be lots of yelling, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Sort Of, Trauma, i'm not projecting YOU'RE projecting, it's very mild, like all of them lmao - Freeform, phase 6, think that's it for tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:20:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>36,984</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112582</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>2D wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about all of it. To be quite honest with himself, he wished he hadn’t fallen for it in the first place.<br/>It’s always a sudden shift in mood, a hand slips him a bag of weed, another hand turns on his favourite movie.<br/>He kept falling for it. Like it was his fault, like it was a part of him he’d be nothing without.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>None</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>121</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Falling in again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2D wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about all of it. To be quite honest with himself, he wished he hadn’t fallen for it in the first place.<br/>
It’s always a sudden shift in mood, a hand slips him a bag of weed, another hand turns on his favourite movie.<br/>
He kept falling for it. Like it was his fault, like it was a part of him he’d be nothing without.</p><p>It made him want to rip off his skin. For being so trusting, so naive, but he just accepts people at face value, always has. Like his mother told him to, like Murdoc told him to do the opposite of.</p><p>Whatever was coursing through his veins was making him itch. It could’ve just been the anger, but he knew it was more.</p><p>In the middle of the bike ride that Murdoc had coaxed him into, which he had agreed to with bright eyes and a hopeful smile had turned into yet another one of Murdoc’s schemes. Fantastic.</p><p>The lyrics of the song they’d wrote not a week previous rang true it seemed. He really was falling in again.</p><p>Fuck this.</p><p>2D glanced over to where Russ was currently breaking Murdoc’s nose for what must be the thousandth time by now, Noodle furiously holding him back - the look on her face contradicting her actions. He knew she’d of taken a shot at Murdoc if she wasn’t trying to be the sensible one in it all.<br/>
He then turned his attention back to the abandoned bike, Murdoc’s helmet landed not far from it. They’d both toppled over violently when Murdoc stabbed him with the ‘truth serum’, it flung them a good few metres. Almost immediately once they’d stopped rolling had Russ and Noodle got a hold of him. Leaving 2D to come to terms with what just happened. What he was truly sick of happening.<br/>
Without thinking much more about it, ignoring the blood splattering onto his jacket, warm and nauseating, he slapped Murdoc’s helmet onto his head, tightening it quickly, set the bike upright, and before Noodle and Russ noticed, he hightailed it out of there.</p><p>Russel and Noodle’s shouts rang in his eardrums somehow over the sound of the bike, but he didn’t care. He had to get out, go somewhere, do SOMETHING to feel real. To feel okay.</p><p>He wasn’t entirely certain he’d even come back this time.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Russel with Murdoc in his tight grasp along with Noodle who had Russel in a tight grasp, watched as the bike smoothly disappeared down the road and around the corner. Russel’s grip momentarily loosened before he tightened it again.</p><p>“Look what you’ve done this time, Mudsock.” He shook Murdoc slightly, Murdoc just watched baffled at the space 2D was just moments ago.</p><p>“How is that MY fault? He can do whatever he wants. He’s probably riding the high of the truth serum into the sunset!” He attempted to reason. Russ rolled his eyes. Letting go of him suddenly, causing Murdoc to scramble about on the ground. But they weren’t done with him.</p><p>Noodle crouched down to where he was now, satisfied that Russ wasn’t going to murder him.</p><p>“You were doing so well. We all were genuinely impressed by how kind you were being to 2D.” She paused to rub her temples with both hands. “We should’ve known better I suppose, right Murdoc?”</p><p>Murdoc looked up to her, despite crouching, her presence was still tall and powerful over his crumpled posture on the ground. He swallowed hard, not able to meet her eyes. How was this his fault? 2D, the bastard, was hiding that damned portal from him, he knew he was. He’d asked him multiple times, nicely he may add, where it was, and he said he didn’t remember. Liar. How could you forget where a damn portal is? Noodle and Russ wouldn’t tell him either. Screw them all, he had to take matters into his own hands somehow.</p><p>So why did he feel guilty?</p><p>“Look. Look Noods, maybe this wasn’t the best approach. But! But none of you would tell me where the blasted portal was!”</p><p>Noodle looked down at him again, slowly standing. Her expression was mixing between furious and...sad? Murdoc couldn’t tell. He wondered when she got so terrifying.</p><p>“Really?! All this for...you know what Murdoc. If you can’t behave, maybe you should just leave. Or if you’re feeling generous with your kindness today, go find 2D.” There was a mocking tone in her voice, as if she didn’t expect him to take her up on it. He’d show her.</p><p>“You want me to get him back? Will that make you happy?!” He stood, brushing his clothes down roughly, Russ had torn a hole in his damned shirt. Dickhead. Whatever, he’d just steal 2D’s if he couldn’t find him anyways.<br/>

“You don’t know what would make any of us happy. That’s your problem Muds.” Russ spoke from where he’d been calming himself down, leaning tiredly against the golf cart he came in. They both looked exhausted, all this stress over ‘two dee’.</p><p>“Whatever!” He flung his arms in the air, clearly annoyed at the fact that he was going to have to clean up his mess this time, or face the consequences. Or at least no one would talk to him for a week, like usual.</p><p>This somehow didn’t feel like usual.</p><p>He grumbled and pouted, shifting Russ out of the way hard just to jump into the front seat, turn the key, and blast it down the road without another word. He’d show them. He was a good person now. He was! He promised!</p><p>But as compulsive a liar as he was, promises were empty more often than not.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Low tide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Murdoc finds 2D, but he's not cooperating like he expected.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter 2 while I'm on a roll, canon typical references to abuse mentioned here and alcohol use!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Murdoc had been riding around these Moroccan streets for at least 20 minutes now, not a bloody soul in sight. He’d chosen somewhere quiet purposefully, so he wouldn’t get caught! Fat chance of that happening! He always got caught. Whether it was with a bag of something sweet or another ‘party’ with strangers in his bedroom. Why couldn’t they just get off his tail? He didn’t give a shit about what any of them were doing, why’d they have to get all up in his business? He tightened his grip on the wheel, surprised at how fast the vehicle was for a golf cart, it almost tempted him to go golfing himself. Lots of pretty women, men in tight shorts and collared shirts….yeah maybe not. Although he thinks he’d look good in a golfing outfit. A rather dashing Song Machine outfit perhaps.</p><p> Oh yeah he was trying to find 2D, he forgot. He full body sighed in his seat, getting increasingly more frustrated the longer his search went on for. He saw his phone light up multiple times during his rounds, but refused to look. Knowing full well it’d just be Russ or Noodle asking him if he’d found him yet, to which he’d have to reply no to, and get blasted through the phone about how all of this was ‘his fault’. Again. No thanks, he thought.</p><p> It was when he thought there was no hope of finding 2D and he was going to accept his fate of being collectively murdered by Russ and Noodle that he saw it - the bike! HIS bike outside of an almost high end looking bar. Far too high end for 2 bloody Dee anyways. He parked the golf cart in the middle of nowhere outside of the bar and marched right in, he was getting him back no matter what, his band depended on it. He could’ve sworn Noodle said something about him calling it ‘his’ band, he couldn’t recall, or chose to forget.</p><p> Likely the latter.</p><p> He pushed the door open with a might that made it slam against the wall, this made almost everyone turn to him and scoff, he just grimaced at them all in return, pulling a tongue as he scanned the place for that signature blue hair. One thing that hair was good for was locating the bastard, you also couldn’t lose him though, unfortunately. </p><p> He spotted him after a few seconds of scanning the room, at a booth at the very back corner of the bar surrounded by a mix of men and women who were all somewhat engaging in a conversation around him, he didn’t look like he was contributing, or even listening though. Too focused on knocking back the drink in his hand. He looked a right state, hadn’t even bothered to clean up his forehead where he’d hit the tarmac not an hour before, just shoved his hat further down his head and hoped it’d suck up all the blood or something. </p><p> He didn’t particularly care what he was doing though, he was coming back with him right now or so help him satan…</p><p> “Oi Murdoc, what’re you doin’ over there? Thought you were getting beaten up.” He whipped his head up from where he’d been staring at the ground in thought to notice that 2D had risen from the table and was seemingly making his way to the bathroom before he spotted Murdoc. Murdoc composed himself as best as he could physically muster, plastering on his best ‘I care about my bandmates wellbeing’ face. It was never very convincing, 2D noticed too.</p><p> “I’ve been searching for you for AGES you arse. You’re coming back to England right now with us all, you’re in big trouble for running off like that you know.” He lied. Why was that always his default? And it wasn’t like 2D to be put off by being ‘in trouble’ either. He watched 2D’s face anyways, seeing him really think about what he was going to say next, opening his mouth a couple of times before he decided on something.</p><p> “No.”</p><p> “Excuse me?”</p><p> “You heard me.” 2D said, forgetting he was going to the bathroom apparently and walking up to the counter instead to order himself another drink, if shots counted as a drink. “I don’t want to come back with you. I have no reason to trust you again... What were you thinking? That you were going to come in here, chat me up again like you did all this weekend and ride off with me into the sunset until you find somewhere to tie me up and leave me for dead?” 2D laughed, probably louder than he intended to, but he was absolutely hammered by the looks of it. Murdoc resisted the urge to call him a lightweight and instead let his thoughts fester around what 2D had just said about him.</p><p> “Since when have you had balls, Pot.” Murdoc would be impressed if he wasn’t getting more and more annoyed by the second. He was surprised no one in the bar was staring at them, apart from the bartender, who looked hesitant to hand over the shots 2D had just ordered, but put them down anyways before walking away quickly.</p><p> “That’s the thing though Murdoc isn’t it?” 2D sat at the bar, downing the shots like he’d been doing it for years, Murdoc knows he had. “I don’t have any. I never have. You turn up and it’s like….it’s like everything I do or say doesn’t matter so why put up a fight?” He laughed again, sounding somewhat hysterical, Murdoc was looking uneasy, unsure what to do or what to say that would help him out here. “You want complete control over everything. And when someone doesn’t let you have it, you grovel until you get it back. Instead of, oh I don’t know….accepting that you’re an absolute cock of a man.” His words were laced with bitterness, but he just sounded tired and mocking. “You ruined my life, you know that?”</p><p> “2D, I-”</p><p> “Don’t answer, I wasn’t asking.” He said, finishing the last shot of a line of them and slamming it back down onto the counter. Murdoc could only watch, completely dumbfounded as 2D walked away to the bathroom. If he had any sense in him, he wouldn’t have followed. But that’s the kind of man Murdoc is. Impulsive. Manipulative. Controlling. </p><p> That’s not who he wanted to be, but he wasn’t about to just change everything about himself. Bollocks to that, he was the best, top of the world. He’d done enough work putting his self control in order enough to stop beating 2D whenever things didn’t go his way, wasn’t that enough? Why wasn’t it enough? Nothing he ever did for these ungrateful sods was good enough.</p><p> He’d show them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Uncomplicated</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What did you think was going to happen?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for abuse mentions and suicidal ideation, kind of.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>2D splashed his face with cold water repeatedly in the overly clean sink. Slapping his cheeks a bit as he did so. What the fuck was Murdoc doing here? He hadn’t thought about anyone actually finding him yet, then again he hadn’t gone very far in the first place. He just needed to relax. That was the problem. Yeah...relaxing. An unrealistic daydream.</p><p>He didn’t want to see Murdoc right now, especially like this. His skin was crawling again, making him want to dig in his nails and ignore the world completely, sit in this bathroom and never come out.</p><p>He felt pathetic and powerful at the same time. Telling Murdoc straight to his face how he felt, well it felt good. But also bad, as if he shouldn’t of done that, as if he should apologise for telling Murdoc the truth. He knew deep down that was just survival mode kicking in, but it was such a tough habit to kick.</p><p>A wave of nausea and dizziness came over him as he stood, staring into the sink, admiring the tiles. He didn’t particularly care who was around him and honestly couldn’t really tell, he didn’t even notice when a green hand grabbed his shoulder and twisted him around to meet his eyes.<br/>
2D took a couple of seconds of watching the green blur speak, not knowing how to interject or tell him that he didn’t have a clue what he was saying. So 2D just stood there, numb with the alcohol, overstimulated from the noise of the bar and stared.</p><p>After what felt like an hour, Murdoc finally stopped moving around in front of him, and grabbed his other shoulder, shaking him gently, ish. It worked enough for him to work out what Murdoc was saying at least.</p><p>“- and this is my band you see and and as much as I don’t want to be this ‘cock of a man’ I have to! You have to see how it benefits the band right? Persona’s to keep and all that, can’t have you running your mouth like that either.”</p><p>2D thinks he rolled his eyes, not that he’d notice. He felt himself slip out of Murdoc’s grasp and down to the floor, where he thinks he grabbed his legs and held them to his body, but he wasn’t sure, he hoped he was. He couldn’t deal with whatever bullshit Murdoc was spouting out, he’d clearly ignored every single word he had just said.</p><p>Murdoc watched 2D fall to the floor, sliding down against the tiles and curling in on himself, his face as expressionless as it was a second a go. Murdoc probably should’ve realised he was talking to a brick wall at that point. But he continued to rant and rave about this and that, about how 2D was letting down the band. How it wasn’t his fault he was like this and he thought they knew that by now.</p><p>The bits that 2D did pick up on he didn’t like, he wanted to scream out in protest, crawl out of this bathroom and get away. Die in an alleyway or something so he’d never have to have this kind of conversation ever again, 2D thinks he’d had this same conversation all his life. Murdoc didn’t get it, he might never get it.</p><p>He was so tired.</p><p>The feeling in his body came back to him enough then that he could stand, he gripped the sink instead of Murdoc’s outstretched hand, struggling far more than if he’d taken it but he’d rather die honestly than sink that low.</p><p>“Ah finally come to your senses now Stuart, fantastic! Come on now then let’s get back to the hotel and we can forget about all of this yeah?”</p><p>2D batted his hands away with a surprising amount of strength, he managed to get past him, out the bathroom, out the bar, and back on the bike.</p><p>Granted. Not his best idea ever.</p><p>“Don’t do that, you fucking idiot!” Murdoc cursed as he tried to run to the bike before 2D could set off on it again. “You’ll kill yourself like that mate, and that’s absolutely not my problem.” He and 2D had a brief standoff, 2D glared at him, something fierce in his eyes despite the alcohol, despite the ‘truth serum’, despite the throbbing pain in the front of his head. It was determination.</p><p>“You’re right Murdoc, for once.” He smirked, throwing the helmet on the floor, he wasn’t going to need it, plus it reeked of Murdoc. “See ya!” He saluted, Murdoc made a lunge for the bike but he was already off. Murdoc cursed every curse he knew as loud as he could. Shit.</p><p>He got back in the golf cart, now they had got an audience. Hopefully this whole ‘event’ wouldn’t come up in a press conference later. Maybe that doesn’t really matter.</p><p>He felt a twang of anxiety in his gut, surely he wasn’t THAT mad at him right? Right? What had he done that was oh so terrible?</p><p>2D better just be fucking around.</p><p> </p><p>Russ and Noodle had been standing outside the hotel for a good couple of hours now, worry increasing by the minute. They knew realistically it was a bad idea to let Murdoc go and ‘fix things’ but Russ had said that he needed to start somewhere. If he wanted them to respect him in any way ever again. Noodle had reluctantly agreed, sending multiple texts Murdoc’s way regardless.</p><p>She felt they shouldn't have been gone that long really. Then again it was like them to get sidetracked. She hoped that if they had found each other, that 2D would hold his own like she told him to, like Russ told him to, like Ace told him to.</p><p>She remembers the day Murdoc came home like it was yesterday. Every ounce of 2D’s confidence shattered as soon as he saw Murdoc. Everyone noticed. They thought he’d bounce back, start talking back to Murdoc like he had to the rest of them, which they had no problem with, they liked that he was expressing himself. It was like when Murdoc was around, he had to just survive, he wouldn’t speak without being spoken to, wouldn’t eat without being told to. Noodle had caught him multiple times doing things she’d never seen him do before, though maybe he was just getting more careless with it.</p><p>Either way, they both hated every way Murdoc made 2D feel small, without even saying anything. If Murdoc hadn’t been faking so much of the kindness he’d been showing 2D lately then they might have done something sooner about it.</p><p>Russ patted Noodle’s shoulder and held out his hand.<br/>
“I’ll go look for them. You’re right, they shouldn’t be alone together.” He spoke softly but Noodle could tell he was just as worried as herself. She nodded, fumbling a bit with her keys in her pocket before she managed to get them out.</p><p>“I should come too.” Russ shook his head, he knew how worked up about it all she got, but also she’d probably get even more worked up being at the hotel, doing nothing.</p><p>“Oh alright, you try ringing them and I’ll focus on driving, yeah?” She nodded back at him, resisting the urge to chew her fingernails as she did so. She hopped into her little car, all her shit still in the back from when she’d been practicing and had to pack up quickly when she got the call from one of their team that Murdoc had been spotted leaving the hotel with 2D, despite having strict instructions to stay there until the video shoot.</p><p>She immediately knew what he was up to. She should’ve seen it beforehand really, but 2D looked happy, why should she take that away from him?</p><p>Russ felt just as guilty, he was in the hotel at the time but as they’d got separate rooms, he hadn’t even realised what had been going on.</p><p>It wasn’t happening again, that’s for certain.</p><p>As they drove, Noodle texted both Murdoc and 2D frantically, while keeping an eye out for clues as to where they might have gone. Noodle doubted that Murdoc hadn’t found him, 2D wasn’t the hardest person to lose. Especially around somewhere he didn’t know.</p><p>While she was texting, Russ noticed a huddle of people and a couple of police cars outside of a nice looking bar, initially he didn’t think anything of it, until he remembered who he was dealing with and jolted the car around suddenly, making Noodle almost drop her phone.</p><p>“Hey!” She screeched, getting a grip on her phone again. He just pointed ahead at the scene and looked at her, she mirrored his expression. Somehow, Murdoc always managed to make a mess. This was no exception it seemed.</p><p>They gathered what information they could from the crowd and police, not waiting to give their own statements as they didn’t fancy letting them in on the fact that it was their band mates making the ruckus, and neither of them wanted to deal with Murdoc in prison. Again.</p><p>All they managed to get really was that 2D was incredibly drunk, had a surprisingly non violent argument with Murdoc, then got back on the bike and sped off with Murdoc close behind. They were less worried about Murdoc’s intentions than 2D’s at that moment. Noodle kicked the door of the car hard before getting in. Angry at herself, angry at Murdoc, angry at 2D, not really angry at 2D but angry that he was manically riding around the streets with an enraged Murdoc behind him.</p><p>Russ didn’t say anything, his face more serious than it was before now that there was a real danger involved. He didn’t want to think about it too much, stepping on the gas and speeding off in the direction the crowd had described. Hoping they could deescalate whatever was going on.</p><p>Murdoc knew he shouldn’t of just knocked 2D off the road, but for fucks sake what was he supposed to do! He’d tried yelling, honking, bargaining, and it didn’t work so he had to do something!</p><p>He parked the golf cart next to where 2D had landed, for the second time today, face first on the tarmac. He was already getting up though, not being stopped by the blood covering his face, the pain in his chest. Why couldn’t Murdoc take a hint?</p><p>“Fuck off Murdoc! Fuck off!” He screamed as Murdoc came closer to him, yet again not getting the hint it seemed. Murdoc grabbed him by the arm and pulled him down to the beach they’d been driving past, he pushed him down into the sand once he was satisfied he was far enough away from the bike again.</p><p>“You absolute idiot! Do you want to die? Even I wouldn’t be going around drunk driving a motorcycle in the middle of Morocco!” He spat, all pleasantries he had been trying before were gone, there was just rage. “All this just for YOU, again, you make it all about YOU don’t you? Huh? What, do you want this band all to yourself? Is that it? Happy that little ol’ Murdoc was out of the way so you could have the band and now i’m back you want to ruin everything? It that it?”</p><p>2D watched him, his fingers digging into the sand. His face felt hot and his body ached, his thoughts were all over the place. He watched as Murdoc made his way to kick him. Kick him right there, in the middle of an abandoned beach. Not an ounce of shame on his face.</p><p>2D hated the beach. He really hated the beach.</p><p>Before he let Murdoc’s foot inch any closer, he quickly rolled out of the way, letting Murdoc stumble a bit. Which gave him time to get to his feet. Murdoc swung his fist out next at 2D, who was high off an adrenaline rush and not about to take it.</p><p>2D threw his fist into Murdoc’s face with all of his might, biting his lip hard as he did so. He wouldn’t take this, he couldn’t take this anymore.</p><p>Murdoc fell down to the floor, a little shocked, but mostly angry. 2D stood a few metres away, breathing heavily and shaking. His fist already bruising due to it being so bony. He thought this would feel good, but it didn’t. He thought defending himself would feel good. But it didn’t.</p><p>It just felt numbing. The pain in his chest grew tighter, swallowing him in it. He fell back down onto the sand, hearing familiar voices as he did so.</p><p>He really hated the beach.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I never do that</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bittersweet reunions.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When 2D wakes, he’s strapped into the seat of the golf cart. He momentarily panics, thinking Murdoc had finally gotten his way and taken him, he’s relieved to find Russel in the driving seat, humming along to an unrecognisable song on the radio. He assesses his surroundings first before attempting to communicate with Russ. He feels every one of his fingers and toes out, just to make sure they’re still there. He then touches his face to find a row of what felt like cheap bandaids scattered over his forehead. It must’ve been doing the job since his hand didn’t come away bloody. Russ stopped humming then, realising 2D had woken up and not said anything.</p><p> “Hey,” He glanced to his side to make sure 2D heard him, he had, so he continued. “You alright man?” </p><p> 2D felt his mouth attempt to say no, so he kept it shut and nodded instead. Surprisingly to him he’d remembered every single event crystal clear up until that moment. He wanted to gag on the freshness of the memories. Russ nodded in return, not looking convinced in the slightest but there wasn’t much he could do but drive.</p><p> “That was pretty impressive, Dee.” He says after a few minutes, they were edging closer to the hotel by the second, but the silence was too tense to take much longer.</p><p> “What was?” 2D replied, not looking up from where he was now twiddling his fingers anxiously, feeling every pang of pain in his body at once. Many of them not physical.</p><p> “Y’know, punching Muds straight in the face like that. Noodle said to tell you your form was great.” Russ chuckled, 2D chuckled too, not really knowing how to reply, so he didn’t. “We saw it go down, I’m really sorry he snapped again like that. You’d think he’d have learnt by now.”</p><p> “Yeah…” 2D trailed off, not wanting to have this conversation yet. He just needed a moment to breathe. Russ studied him carefully out of the corner of his eye, watching how he shifted in his seat with a blank look on his face, like he was both thinking and not all there at the same time. Russ knew how he felt.</p><p> “Get some rest when we get back and we’ll talk tomorrow yeah? It’s been a…long evening.” 2D nodded again, he didn’t want to rest though, he wanted to escape. Every thought of Murdoc’s actions that day were battling each other in his mind, he hated that he was still thinking about Murdoc. He didn’t even want to see him again.</p><p> Almost as if Russ read his mind, he spoke. “Murdoc and Noodle have gone to another hotel for tonight. To ‘talk’. Well, and I said he probably shouldn’t be near you, and Murdoc agreed, probably still shook up from you giving it him back for once.” 2D scoffed.</p><p> “Wouldn’t that be nice.”</p><p> “Mm.” Russ replied softly, pulling into the car park. He tried to help 2D out of the cart, but 2D shoved him off and said he was fine, then apologised.</p><p> “’m sorry. Thank you for helping me Russ.” He said through quick breaths, not being able to meet his eyes. “I’m just agitated. And uh..tired.”</p><p> Russ laughed, patting him gently on the back. “You don’t gotta be sorry for feeling like shit.” 2D gave him a sad smile, letting Russ take his arm this time as he limped his way back to his room, Russ close at his side.</p><p> </p><p> “Do you think this is a joke Murdoc? You think I’m laughing?!” Noodle was seething, she didn’t speak a single word the whole hour drive to this run-down hotel, and he wished it had stayed that way. “You want us all to be a band and be a big ‘family’, you spout all that shit to the press about how you’re a changed man and you want to….you want to make ‘amends’ with us all, and then you do this.” She pushed the palms of her hands into her eyes, trying to not let the stress of today overcome her feelings, it wasn’t working. She threw her hands in front of her and waved them at Murdoc. Murdoc suddenly felt small. Very small. Not because of his height, for once. “Agh you’re so infuriating! We’ve tried Murdoc, we’ve TRIED, over and over again to help you, to get you to TALK to us, and you won’t do it! And then you do what you always fucking do, take out all the shit you're feeling on 2D!” She looked as if she was going to lunge for Murdoc but contained it and sat down on the bed instead. An eerie calm crossing her expression as she did so. Murdoc took that as his turn to speak. He gulped.</p><p> “I don’t know what to say.”</p><p> “That’s a first. I’ll probably be mad whatever you say though.” She said through barred teeth. She was now looking at her phone, waiting for confirmation that Russ and 2D had got back safely. Murdoc watched her carefully, he’d been sitting in this shabby seat for a whole hour listening to her yell at him, it had been mostly uneventful, and he’d tried his hardest not to look bored, but now he had to actually think of something to say.</p><p> He couldn’t say he wasn’t sorry, and he couldn’t say he was sorry either. Mainly because he didn’t know which one was the truth. Instead he watched her type and let his mind wander until she snapped her attention back to him.</p><p> “You REALLY have nothing to say?” She was tapping her fingers on the bedsheets impatiently, fuck, he had to say something didn’t he. This really really reeeaaally wasn’t how he was expecting today to go.</p><p> “It…won’t happen again.”</p><p> “I’ll be making sure of that, don’t you worry.” She said just as quickly as he’d said it. He grimaced.</p><p> “And I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Properly. No funny business. I messed up, I messed up and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to go this way and I let myself be controlled by my own 'inferiority complex'.”<br/>He paused, she was tapping her fingers still, waiting for more. He sighed heavily and wearily; this was a pain in the arse. But it had to be done he supposed. He stood up slowly, cracking his back as he did so before looking her in the eyes, her icy glare was too much, but he had to do this. He had no choice.</p><p> “I fucked up big time, and I hurt him again Noodle I... He…doesn’t really deserve it, and I know that deep down. He’s talented, far too kind for his own good, and intelligent…and I should treat him as such. I’ll do better.”</p><p> Noodle didn’t change her expression for a few minutes, studying every feature of his face like he was on display at a museum. He felt old enough to be for sure. Then she stood, walking to and opening the door to the hotel room in an attempt to leave, but before she did, she turned back with a new expression on her face, one that looked more tired than a 30 year old should be wearing. Murdoc sensed that was his fault, no, he knew it was.</p><p> “You will do better. Or else.” And with that she slammed the door shut, leaving Murdoc to ruminate alone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this is short guys, just jotting down ideas as they come!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Then I am silenced</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>2D finds himself in a different hotel room.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When 2D wakes this time, he’s lying in a different hotel room than he was yesterday. He bolts upright, thinking he’d pulled some poor sod into his hotel room for a night of fun in the middle of his minor breakdown. He’s surprised to find that instead of an unrecognisable woman or man in his bed, Russ is there. </p><p> He shook his head a few times, both of them were clothed so it wasn’t that he’d made a move on  Russ or anything, a good start, he thought. </p><p> His head was pounding, he rubbed at his head with his hands roughly, rediscovering that his head felt swollen and cut. His memories of yesterday started to fade after getting to the bar. He hoped he hadn’t done anything stupid, Russ and Noodle had enough of that from Murdoc. </p><p> Murdoc. </p><p> His head was pounding even more now, the source of all his troubles, or at least most of them, was Murdoc. Thinking about it was going to make him feel worse. </p><p> He looked over to where Russ was sleeping peacefully away on his back, letting out a light and gentle snore. He was glad Russ was sleeping better these days, he remembered the nights at Kong like it was yesterday. Russ’s screams, Murdoc banging on his walls to shut up, Noodle getting upset at Murdoc and crying.</p><p> Not much had changed, really. They were all a bit older and all that but, their dynamic never really shifted. </p><p> Murdoc never changed. </p><p> He smacked his head with his hands, he was overthinking already. He was good at that, for someone who supposedly has nothing going on in this brain. Hah. He wished that were true. It wasn’t his fault sometimes his thoughts came out jumbled or all at once. </p><p> He made the decision to get out of bed after a few minutes of contemplation, he pulled up the nicely tucked in sheets, definitely Russ’s doing, and tiptoed carefully to the bathroom. Russ had managed to keep his hotel room far cleaner than 2D had, and he was planning on keeping it that way for him. The least he could do probably. </p><p> He started picking through Russel’s medicine bag carefully, making sure to leave his antidepressants and psychosis medication untouched. Jackpot,  ibuprofen. Fuck it that’d have to do. He dry swallowed three, not wanting to waste too many of Russ’s things without asking. He’d be damned if he was waking him up now though, whatever he did yesterday must’ve been bad enough to have Russ sleep next to him. He didn’t want to disturb him if he could absolutely help it. He carefully put the medicine bag back down, stuffing it back into its place on the bathroom sink. He then made his way back out and found Russ was still as fast asleep as he’d left him. He trudged over to the desk and chair set that his hotel room had too, and sat himself there. </p><p> Wait, where was his phone? He patted down every pocket on his jeans, only to realise they weren’t his jeans, how had he not noticed before? This wasn’t his shirt either? </p><p> Whatever. Looked like he’d have to hunt for his phone. He looked around the room and finally noticed the buzzing noise in the corner of the room. The constant buzzing noise that he didn’t notice until now. Couldn’t blame him really when all he could hear was a ringing sound in his ears. He pushed himself off the chair sleepily, he felt drained, like all the life had been sucked out of him, kinda like how Murdoc looked. </p><p> He reached the corner of the room and discovered it was Russ’s phone lighting itself up, he discovered his phone not far from it. It was a little cracked, nothing that he hadn’t done before though. Shrugging it off he peaked over to look at the screen of Russ’s phone, seeing the time first. 10AM. It wasn’t like 2D to sleep in, he was usually the first up- early to bed early to rise yada yada. He focused his blurry vision on the screen, it took him a few tries but he finally managed to see who was ringing persistently. Noodle.</p><p> He hesitated, uncertain if he should pick it up or not. He made a move to press the answer icon a few times before he saw a hand enter his vision.</p><p> “Give it here, I could hear it I just wasn’t gettin’ up.” Russ was awake, he wondered how long he’d been awake for. He fumbled with the wire that was plugged into the phone for a second before he shakily handed it over, not looking back at Russ, he was worried he was mad at him, he remembered running away after Murdoc’s stunt. That was probably enough to get angry at him, right? </p><p> He shook his head lightly, crossing his legs and putting his head in his hands as he did so, tuning out Russ and Noodle’s conversation entirely, it was mostly said in hushed tones, with the ringing in his ears he wouldn’t of been able to hear it regardless.  </p><p> That’s how he sat, not knowing how much time had passed until Russ patted his shoulder, Russ was sitting up this time instead of lying down on the just about passable for comfortable mattress, 2D felt himself get turned around slightly, his body being light enough to be shifted entirely. When he stopped being moved, and was finally face to face with Russ, he could see how upset Russ was with him. His brows were furrowed and he had that ‘you did something you shouldn’t of done’ dad look about him. 2D couldn’t help but feel ashamed. He didn’t even know what he did after the bar!</p><p> “Dee.”</p><p> “Uh...yeah?”</p><p> “Why do you look like you think I’m gonna yell at ya?” His expression softened, he took his hand away that 2D didn’t realise was still there. </p><p> He was surprised at that, wasn’t he mad? </p><p> “What do you mean? Are ya not gonna yell at me?” </p><p> Russel sighed, sinking a little bit further into the bed as he did so. </p><p> “No, why would I be mad?” </p><p> “Because I...I don’t know.” 2D admitted, feeling tears prick at the corners of his eyes despite how hard he was trying not to cry. </p><p> “Oh dee, come here man.” Russ slid off the bed and onto his knees next to 2D, offering him his outstretched arms. 2D hesitantly took the offering, shoving his face into Russ’s chest while trying even harder not to cry. He imagined he’d burdened Russ enough. </p><p> “Alright, so let me talk for a sec.” Russ began, letting 2D just stay there in his arms, neither one of them really moving. “What you did yesterday was reckless, but understandable. Hell, if I were in your shoes I might’ve done the same.” He felt 2D shuffle slightly, he was desperately trying not to cry now. “But you’re not in trouble. The only one in trouble here is him.”</p><p> “It’s always him.” 2D muffled out through Russ’s shirt, clinging onto the back of it a little tighter. Russ looked down at him sadly.</p><p> “Yeah. Yeah it is. It’s not okay, and I promise you he won’t ever pull any shit like that again. Noodle is holding a metaphorical gun to his head as we speak.” He chuckled slightly. 2D did the same, but he didn’t really feel assured. Murdoc had his ways. He always had his ways. </p><p> “It never ends, Russ.” He says suddenly, pulling out of Russ’s warm hold. He put his hands up to his eyes to rub at them roughly as the tears began to pour. “He just...I just don’t understand why...why me?” His voice sounded more monotone than sad, than angry, like he should’ve been. “Was it something I did?” </p><p> Russ hesitated for a few seconds, wanting to answer as reassuringly as possible. “No, some people just hurt people Dee. People who’ve got a lot of shit to deal with, that shouldn’t be taking it out on other people. Especially people who they know won’t fight back. Well, until now.”</p><p> 2D perked up a bit at that, bringing his fists away from his now bright red eyes. “What do you mean?”</p><p> Russ smirked. “You don’t remember?” 2D shook his head slowly. “You punched him. He went down like a sack of bricks.” This didn’t seem to make 2D as happy as he thought it would, and could see him tensing up worriedly. </p><p> “Is he mad?”</p><p> “Mad? He has no right to be mad at you.” Russ ruffled his hair, being careful of the spot where he hit his head as he did so. </p><p> But 2D suddenly recalled hitting the tarmac like being shot in the chest. It felt like the first time all over again. The headlights coming towards him, Murdoc in the driving seat, a syringe in his side, the golf cart smacking his back wheel.</p><p> He started to panic. </p><p> Russel’s hands were in his, he knew that much. But he didn’t feel like he was in the room, he wasn’t sure he was honestly. He tried to ground himself on the only touch he had, focusing on it like a lifeline. Why couldn’t he just be normal? Why did it all have to be so fucking difficult? The tears were rolling again more violently than before, Russ was talking to him but the words didn’t make sense. The ringing in his ears was stronger now than it had been the past hour? 5 minutes? Who cares. </p><p> Russ was holding him tight, cradling him like he was made of paper. His brain was mercilessly telling him he should say thank you, he should say sorry, he should stop being so overdramatic, stop being so pathetic, but he couldn’t find the words. And he couldn’t find the strength to fight his own mind.</p><p> He succumbed to it eventually, Russ’s whispers soothing him only slightly, but enough to fall asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wrote this while crying for various reasons I hope it’s legible, also thank you guys again for all your support! 🥺</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Désolé</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"I don't know what to say anymore"</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning for slight drug use, blood/injury, I think that's it this time. I spent ages proof reading this then AO3 fucked up the format I'm sorry if it looks weird, I tried to fix it the best I could.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A harsh knocking at the door wakes 2D up the first time. The second time, it’s a gentle shake of his shoulders along with a whispered “really sorry Stu, you gotta get up like RIGHT now”, he grumbled and pulled the pillow groggily back over his head. He absolutely wasn’t ready to be doing anything right now. He heard muffled voices over his pillow, and before he could object, he was hoisted over a shoulder. Expecting it to be Russel, he opened his eyes slightly, finding it was in fact Noodle who was carrying him. Russ was standing at the end of the hotel bed, shrugging as he met 2D’s eyes. 2D sighed deeply through his nose.</p><p> “I’m up I’m up!” He relented, wriggling out of Noodle’s incredibly strong grasp.</p><p> “We’re leaving today sleeping beauty! It was bad enough getting Murdoc out of the hotel and packed, so please, for me, can you get all your shit together just until we get home?” She pleaded, putting her hands together in a begging fashion. 2D just nodded, not ready to face Noodle’s wrath so early in the…morning? </p><p> With confirmation that he was going to go pack his things, she left hurriedly while shouting back that they had less than an hour. Russ approached him then with a soft expression on his face. “C’mon I’ll help ya, I’m done anyways.” 2D nodded again, his mouth felt like cotton and his hands shook slightly, despite not knowing the time he could tell he’d been asleep for longer than he thought. Russ confirmed that by telling him he’d woken up yesterday and then after they had a talk, he’d fallen asleep again. 2D nodded, too tired to think about what happened yesterday if he was honest. </p><p> Russ ended up doing most of the packing, 2D watched him from the bed he’d slept in maybe three times the entire weeklong trip, his job was sticking his clothes in the suitcase in at least a way that they’d all fit. Russ didn’t mind, and it wasn’t the first time he’d packed for the other band members. Murdoc was a repeated offender of being a last-minute packer, usually too hungover or still too drunk to do it himself. He’d recently confessed to Russ one night that he hadn’t touched a drink in months, Russ had nodded along, this ongoing saga happened at least once every couple of years. Russ really hoped deep down though that that hadn’t been a lie for once. For everyone’s sake.</p><p> He shook his head of his thoughts, gathering 2D’s bathroom items into an actual bag so they weren’t strewn in his suitcase like he had them before. He tossed 2D his painkillers when he came across them, completely forgetting he was probably needing those after sleeping for a good 24 hours. 2D didn’t catch them as he’d barely looked up in time to even see them, but at least they’d hit the bed. Russ turned back to packing, trusting 2D would figure out what he’d tossed to him by himself. The rattle of the bottle assured him he had. </p><p> Yesterday had been…a lot. For everyone. Russ hadn’t seen 2D that vulnerable before, he tended to keep whatever he was feeling behind very closed doors or snuck into song lyrics, he’d never seen him totally break down. He didn’t mind and tried his best to assure 2D that everything was going to be fine, but it didn’t really scratch the surface. He ended up just holding 2D close as he cried and shook, all of his words that he did say were incomprehensible, but he kept talking even when he passed out from exhaustion. His restless sleep was enough for Russ to make Noodle bring Murdoc to the hotel just so he could knock him out himself. He had enough self-restraint to just about avoid doing that though, instead letting Noodle know 2D was alright, but they were going to have to do something to stop this from happening. She’d assured him back that she’d spent almost every hour of yesterday with Murdoc letting everything she’d ever wanted to say to him out, so hopefully he’d back off of 2D until he’d processed it all. He chuckled at that. It was enough for now. </p><p> “Ey Russ?” A hoarse voice called from the bed. Russ exited the bathroom at his call, he was pretty much done packing in there anyways. 2D was twiddling his fingers together, legs crossed with his foot bouncing along, he looked like he really wanted to say something, but was waiting for permission that he didn’t need.</p><p> “What’s up?” Russ came over to sit on the bed too, so he wasn’t towering over 2D. 2D didn’t look at him, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor.</p><p> “I’m sorry. I ruined the entire trip.” Russ couldn’t help but laugh a little bit, earning a suspicious glance from 2D. “What’s funny?” </p><p> “You didn’t ruin anything man, we came here to shoot a video anyways. Not have a nice vacation.” He paused, making sure 2D was looking at him so that he could be sure by his expression that he wasn’t just saying that to be make him feel better. “-And if we were, then Murdoc would’ve been the one to blame, not you, Dee.” He patted his shoulder, feeling reminiscent of the morning before.</p><p> “You sure?” </p><p> “Positive. Also we’re all packed man, you’d better get some shoes on.” 2D smiled, looking reassured by Russ’s words, or just about, and got up to go get his shoes. Russ didn’t miss how the cheap bandaids he’d reapplied to 2D’s forehead while he was asleep were caked in blood again, he’d have to deal with that later. It was all they had, and no one really fancied making 2D take a hospital trip for some stitches, it never went down well. 2D reappeared into Russ’s vision after sticking on a pair of Converse that he’d tied himself (something he’d worked hard on when Murdoc was in jail to prove a point) and a massive hoodie that came down to his lower thighs. Impressive to find a hoodie like that when you’re 6’2”, Russ thought. </p><p> They fled the room with minutes to spare, they were greeted by an annoyed Noodle standing in front of a taxi, 2D immediately noticed Murdoc in the back seat, head turned away from where everyone was standing like a child who knows he’s in trouble. </p><p> “I can’t complain because you’re not late, but my god stop cutting it so close!!” She gestured wildly to the taxi. “Get in get in!! We have to go!” </p><p> 2D and Russ exchanged nervous glances before doing as they were told, Russ sitting next to the taxi driver after squeezing their luggage into the back, and 2D and Murdoc either side of Noodle. It was a very awkward but uneventful ride really, which they were all very grateful for. They all fell over each other getting out of the taxi, with very little time to spare before their flight took off, they had no choice but to run through the airport, which earned them some strange glances. They made it on time though, so it paid off. Every single one of them were out of breath by the time they got on the plane. They were separated on the plane due to it being a last-minute flight booking, but at least 2D and Noodle were sitting together. Murdoc and Russ were a few rows away, Murdoc being close to a screaming child and looking inches from pulling all his hair out already, much to everyone’s amusement.</p><p>  The flight was a mainly silent affair, Noodle played Animal Crossing most of the almost 24-hour flight, putting it away after what 2D must’ve counted as 6 hours (no break) to eat peanuts before picking it up again.</p><p> “What’cha do in it?” 2D spoke for the first time the entire flight. Noodle didn’t look up to answer.</p><p> “Huh? Oh Animal Crossing? You just…relax and make friends, I guess. It’s just a little bit addicting.”</p><p> “Pfft, I can see that yeah.” He laughed, Noodle smirked and held the console out towards him.</p><p> “Have a go if you want, don’t touch my flowers though or I will kill you.” 2D looked at the handheld and then back at Noodle, he didn’t really want to break it, which wasn’t a rational thought really because it was very unlikely he’d break it, especially with the humongous battery pack case that he had no idea how she got past security with. He shook off his thoughts and took it off her with both hands, carefully holding it in his long fingers like a small animal.</p><p> “You sure?”</p><p> “Yeah, the screen is giving me a headache anyways.” She replied, crossing her legs and putting them on 2D’s lap as he was sitting directly across from her, and there was no leg room whatsoever. 2D could only imagine how frustrated Murdoc was, he could practically hear him growling from the back of the plane. </p><p> 2D had played on the switch a couple of times with Noodle and the others, so he at least knew the controls. He found he was enjoying himself a lot with the game, far more than he anticipated, he didn’t even notice Noodle falling asleep and snoring loudly, or the plane touching down he was so engrossed in it. He made sure not to touch the flowers, though. He really liked the little animal guys and the collection of instruments Noodle had put in her little house. He definitely saw the appeal.</p><p> “Oi you two, get up we gotta go.” A disgruntled Murdoc entered his vision, with a grinning Russ behind him. The rest of the plane had already vacated. “Now, ideally.” He grumbled, rubbing at his back while Russ tried to stop himself from giggling. 2D took that as his que to gently push Noodle’s legs off of his own, he could feel where her shoes had been digging into his thighs, but he wasn’t entirely bothered about it. When her feet touched the floor she woke up, already looking wide awake. 2D was always jealous of her ability to get up and look so refreshed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a refreshing sleep where drugs weren’t at least a little bit involved.</p><p> “Plane’s landed.” Murdoc said to her directly, his tone noticeably more polite with her. Noodle rolled her eyes and took her switch back from 2D, packing it in her bag. They left the plane groggily, none of them bar Noodle getting any sleep on the plane in the slightest because of the noise. Russ, in an attempt to lift the mood while the clambered into yet another tiny taxi, told them about how Murdoc had to hold a baby for a lady while she went to the bathroom and it puked on him, and he didn’t even swear. They all laughed, even Murdoc, kind of, and things briefly seemed a bit lighter than they were before they got on the plane, 2D wondered how long it’d last.</p><p> They got home within an hour which wasn’t bad for London traffic, none of them had the energy to unpack anything and dumped it all in the middle of the studio/living room. They went their separate ways and retired to their bedrooms almost immediately, hoping to catch at least a little bit of rest before they had to do an interview about Song Machine with a reporter in about 8 hours. </p><p> 2D couldn’t sleep regardless of how much he tried, and oh he tried. He even tried smoking a couple of Murdoc’s dodgy joints, and that didn’t even work. He had so much going through his mind, he’d pushed it all back on the plane and now the white noise of the engine was gone, and he was alone in his room, there was nothing to distract himself with. He lay face down into his pillows, blocking out the very little light that was entering his room through the curtains and pulled another pillow over his head. It didn’t make any difference. He gave up eventually. He threw all his pillows on the floor, the one that he’d had his face in had a large dark red stain forming at the top of it, honestly he’d forgot all about the shabby bandaid job on his head, that’d explain the throbbing pain he didn’t usually experience in his forehead.</p><p> He made his way downstairs, pressing a bunch of toilet paper on his forehead and making his way to where they kept the first aid kit and hoped to god Murdoc hadn’t been fucking around with it again.  When he found it he discovered a single cotton bandage and some wipes in there, among some empty used looking syringes, fantastic. He groaned and made do with it, struggling to find a way to get it around his head in any way shape or form as the blood poured into his hands and onto the kitchen counter. When he removed the old smelly bandaids the blood just started pouring and then he started panicking because it was getting everywhere and then he dropped the wipes not that they were any use because they were soaked through with blood now. And he was a little high from the ‘weed’ so all of his movements were slightly clumsier, and he was just having an incredibly bad time in general. Why did he decide to do this himself again?</p><p> “Um.” A voice coughed from the entrance to the kitchen, he jumped, dropping the rolls of kitchen towel he was holding to his head on the floor which resulted in even more mess. There was a growing collection of kitchen towel on the tiles around him as well as the kitchen counter now. He turned to see Murdoc leaning on the doorframe, looking haggard, confused, and ever so slightly concerned. 2D scoffed. </p><p> “What do you want?” He spluttered out as he gathered up the kitchen towels from the floor that were completely useless as they’d soaked through with blood now anyways, like everything else. He might as well be using his shirt since that was soaked too. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”</p><p>  “Right well I’ll leave then shall I?” 2D looked at him with furrowed brows, there was something in Murdoc’s voice he couldn’t make out. </p><p> “Yes. Bye.” 2D turned back to the kitchen counter and started pulling off more pieces of kitchen towel to deal with the blood again. Murdoc rolled his eyes in the doorframe, he didn’t particularly want to help, and he was almost certain that was the last thing on earth 2D wanted too, but the guy looked like he was going to die he was so bloody. He’d only come up here because of the racket he was making, and he thought someone had broke in. At least if someone had broken in it’d be less of a pain in the ass than dealing with 2D when they weren’t on speaking terms to say the least.</p><p> “For fuck’s sake sit down and stop using up all the kitchen towel.” Murdoc walked over and pulled out a chair from the dinner table, he made a gesture with both hands for him to sit on it. 2D hesitated, eyeing him suspiciously for a few moments. He knew he wasn’t getting anywhere, and he was just making more mess, but he really didn’t want Murdoc’s help. Or anyone’s. But especially Murdoc’s. </p><p> “No.”</p><p> Murdoc dragged his hands down his face and breathed deeply at his refusal to sit down, not allowing himself to get annoyed, he could do it. He wouldn’t get annoyed.<br/>
This was all his fault anyways.</p><p> “Look, think of it this way. Either I help you, or I get the ‘goody two shoes’ crew to come down and whisk you away to A&amp;E for 12 hours.” </p><p> 2D sat down at that, taking it more as a threat than a gesture of goodwill. He was starting to feel like shit now anyways, the high of the ‘weed’ coming down and making him feel the throbbing in his forehead at full force. </p><p> “Right. Sit there and don’t move, I’ll be back.” He left the room in search of his personal first aid kit he’d stolen off a nurse he had over one night, it had far more cool stuff in it than your regular everyday one from the shops and he was quite glad he’d kept it actually, it’d come in useful for many of his past hangovers. </p><p> He knew Russ didn’t believe him when he told him he’d been sober for what, 6 months? 12? Time was so fickle when you got to your 50’s. But he hoped they all would eventually. And he hoped that he’d be able to tell them all how truly sorry he was.. The whole bike incident got out of hand and he regretted it and all the progress he’d made with 2D, despite 2D not wanting anything to do with him in the slightest when he returned, couldn’t blame him, really. He’d overheard Noodle and Russel one night talking about how well he’d gotten along with Ace, and how devastated he was when he had to leave. </p><p> Murdoc would never forget the icy glare Ace gave him as he walked out the door to return home. He still got shivers when he thought about it.</p><p> He made his way back down with the kit in hand after spending far too much time digging through his bathtub he used to store all his shit he’d stole from various people and places and returned back to the kitchen, he hadn’t heard him move around and he’d of heard it since he’d been sleeping in the basement, which he loved because it was so dark and dingy – despite there being a normal room readily available to him if he wanted it. </p><p> 2D had his head in his hands when he returned, giving up on kitchen towel it seemed and just using the pressure of his hands to keep from bleeding out over the table. He looked tired, bags forming more prominently than usual under his eyes. He didn’t look up when Murdoc pulled out another chair to sit next to him, he did flinch slightly though.</p><p> “Right move your hands out the way. Doctor Nnnnnniccals is in the house!” 2D almost laughed, but he didn’t want to give Murdoc the satisfaction. He moved his hands away and Murdoc gave him an old cotton towel to wipe his hands on and hold to his head, as the blood yet again continued to pour. “It’s like a fountain mate. Got enough blood in that head of yours to feed a cult of vampires.” </p><p> “I’d taste too funny for vampires, probably taste like a medicine cabinet or somethin’.” 2D smiled this time, the blood coating his teeth as the leftovers the towel didn’t catch dripped into his mouth, he tried not to gag. They used to talk about vampires and zombies and all that when they first met, the only common ground between them that wasn’t music really. 2D supposed he missed that banter a little bit, but it was outweighed by all the shit Murdoc had pulled over the 22 years he’d known him. Still, what he’d give to infodump without Murdoc slapping him for talking too much. His expression turned sour again quickly at the thought. Murdoc noticed but didn’t say anything, wiping his own smile away too. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes while 2D held the towel tightly to his head shakily. Until Murdoc decided he was going to speak, or this awkwardness would last forever. And he HATED awkwardness.</p><p> “Dee, I’m sorry.” Murdoc began slowly while removing the towel from 2D’s white knuckled grasp. 2D met his eyes wordlessly, letting him know he was listening. Murdoc continued after clearing his throat and digging out a needle and thread that 2D flinched at the sight of, he did a lot of flinching these days, Murdoc thought. “Look, I’m sorry okay. I'm really sorry. The sorriest I’ve ever felt in my life. Not because of Noodle or Russ breathing down my neck about it, but because I am sorry. I did a lot of reflecting in prison and vowed to be a better man to everyone I saw, and I didn’t act on it really. I really am sorry. I can't make it up to you, but I will try to be better. I mean that sincerely. With all my dead heart and soul! I don’t want this for the band, and I don’t want this for you. I really never saw past my own ego to see how much I’d genuinely hurt you, in all ways. You don’t owe me anything, but I owe you big time.” He paused, catching his breath. He was speaking far too quickly, almost in a panic, but he kept his cool. He needed to do this, and this might not be the perfect time, but it was a weight he needed to get off his chest before it strangled him. “I want you to have your life back. You never got one. I made sure of that. I kidnapped you, I beat you, I drugged you, all sorts of things that I can’t make up for. That I shouldn’t be forgiven for and-“</p><p> “Muds.”</p><p> “-and I know The Now Now was about me and how much you think about me and how much no matter what you do you’ll never be able to escape the hold I had over you, at least in your mind you can’t and I’m sorry, I sat there everyday with that album in my hands with all your thoughts about me written down for the world to see and it was the worst I’ve ever felt in my life. It truly hit me how disgusting a person I’ve been to you, to Noodle and Russel too oh god I took you all for granted. I’m so sorry Stuart I’m so sorry.”</p><p> “Murdoc.” 2D stood up suddenly, gripping the back of the chair as he did so for support and walking towards the sink, but he wasn’t sure why, blood still dripped from his chin as the towel had been discarded by a crying Murdoc halfway through. </p><p> “Uh, yes?” Murdoc stood up too, watching him cautiously through the tears in his eyes. He discarded the needle and thread onto the table that he forgot he was holding.</p><p> “Thanks for that I uh think, but I’m gonna pass out.” 2D got out quickly, Murdoc’s ranting was finally over and while he appreciated it, and it had at least sounded genuine, his grip on reality was loosening like his shoelaces would after he’d tied them. “Like, right now.”</p><p> “Huh? Oh shit.” Murdoc got over to the sink just in time to grab 2D under the shoulders as his vision faded to black.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading again, I appreciate the support from the bottom of my heart. I have a tumblr now @highorlowtides but I haven't done much with it yet.<br/>Also just to clear up anything because I know some people are uncomfortable with shipping within the original members of the band, all interactions in my fic are written platonically. Found family is my jam.<br/>Oh also I didn't mention it but I imagine Noodle has one of those pink switch lites and it's covered entirely in stickers.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I don't know what to do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Welcome to 'my writing gets worse everyday' featuring pain and suffering. Warnings for drug use but in a medical way.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> “What? Did you expect me to wake you up about it?”</p><p> “Uh, YES?!”</p><p> “Well, don’t worry about it I have it handled.”</p><p> “HANDLED? Get back here right now Niccals or- “</p><p>
  <em> Call ended.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Stuart “2D” Pot was a nice lad, people described him as ‘<em>ditsy</em>’ or ‘<em>braindead’</em>, but never meant it as an insult, so they’d say.</p><p>Stuart “2D” Pot knew better. At least he knew now, anyways. His therapist told him he wasn’t to take things lying down anymore.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “You can’t live like this, Mr Pot.” He’d said one session, while he watched 2D dig his fingernails deep into his skull. “I can only help you so much. You have to find that confidence and either get yourself out, or make yourself heard.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Fight or flight?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Pretty much.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p> Waking up in the backseat of your bassist’s hell car would certainly kick in your fight or flight response. 2D was choosing flight.</p><p> “Whoa whoa WHOA, calm down back there!” Murdoc’s hand appeared to grab 2D’s arm as he was fighting with the child lock on the car door with no luck. 2D snaked out of his hold and rolled down the window to open the car door from the outside, but got flung back in his seat when Murdoc stopped the car abruptly.</p><p> “Why am I in your car?!” 2D screeched, getting his bearings back and opening the car door with ease. It was daylight, he couldn’t remember if it were daylight last time he was awake, but it wasn’t necessarily daytime. The little block of houses were the only signs of life on the unfamiliar road they’d made a sudden stop on.</p><p> 2D backed up a bit when Murdoc approached, arms in the air as a sign of ‘peace’. 2D wasn’t buying it.</p><p> “Mate, calm down alright? I can explain.”</p><p> “Can you?” 2D studied his face briefly through his panic, he looked guilty and a little confused… Good, he thought.</p><p> “Look, you conked out on me in the studio yeah? So I took you to see my nurse lady friend- “</p><p> “Melissa.” 2D made a disgusted face, but allowed Murdoc to continue.</p><p> “…Yes Melissa. You have to admit she’s far prettier than Miranda.”</p><p> “You were saying?” 2D relaxed his posture, crossing his arms and tapping his foot as he stood. He wasn’t getting back in that car until Murdoc explained, or he’d walk home. He’d have more chance of that though if he knew where he was though.</p><p> “Right um and she stitched your head up real nice, looks cool mate, really. She pumped you FULL of painkillers, enough to last at least the rest of the day. Or so we thought.” 2D rolled his eyes. “You really must sign off your brain to science when you’re done with it, fascinating things in there, I bet.”</p><p> “Okay, say I believe you; I’m still not getting back in that car, you can forget it.” Murdoc twitched his eyebrow noticeably, visibly annoyed but forcibly containing it.</p><p> “Fine! You drive then. Would that make you feel better?” Murdoc scrambled for his keys in his pocket before holding them out to 2D. 2D laughed, really?</p><p> “Yeah, actually. High as a kite I’m still a better driver than you.” 2D reached for the keys but Murdoc snatched them back at his words.</p><p> “Oh I forgot about that, maybe don’t drive, Noodle and Russ would kill me if you killed us.”</p><p> “Suit yourself, see you at home Muds.” 2D waved as he started walking away, feeling returning to his limbs he hadn’t realised was missing until his feet hit the pavement heavily, like there were weights around his ankles.</p><p> “WAIT WAIT!” Murdoc was in front of him before he could even notice him approaching. It’d stopped him in his tracks though. “Right. Listen to me just this once and then you never have to listen to me again yeah?”</p><p> “I like where this is headed.”</p><p> “Get off it, as I was saying if you just get in the bleeding car I will drive us home and I won’t bother you again, you don’t even have to do the interview today either! Me and the others can handle that, yeah? Just <em>please</em> get in the car, if I turn up back at Kong without you they’ll have my head off my shoulders by lunch.”</p><p> His begging was amusing, and rare to see. Last time Murdoc begged him for something was when 2D threatened to leave when they lived at Wobble Street, tears in his eyes and luggage fully packed. He wasn’t sure where he’d go, both his parents had now passed, and he couldn’t honestly remember if he had that much extended family, but he’d work it out surely. Better than having the shit kicked out of you multiple times a week. It was the worst he’d ever seen Murdoc behave, and he thought the multiple gassings and tortures at Plastic Beach were bad. At least he could leave the house when they lived on Wobble Street. Physically, at least.</p><p> Because Murdoc made sure he knew he owned him, wherever he went, whatever he did. He belonged to Murdoc; his ‘empty-headed’ puppet was something he’d described him as one time, or a few times, hard to count.</p><p> If Murdoc wanted forgiveness after all that, it wasn’t happening overnight. However, he was getting in the car, he decided, because he was involuntarily high, hungry, and he didn’t know where he was in the slightest apart from it was definitely London – it had the inescapable stink of it. Not that he minded really.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> “Uh, what’re you having?” 2D hadn’t even realised they’d stopped, he’d either fallen asleep or he’d just left his body for a few minutes. Happens. He’d made it clear he was sitting in the passenger seat, but it meant it was a little cramped for his long legs, and he found they’d fallen asleep in the weird position he’d put himself in, meaning he now had pins and needles, oh yeah Murdoc asked him a question.</p><p> “What?”</p><p> “Food. Greggs, bad pastries.”  Murdoc pointed to the Greggs in front of where he’d parked the car, he was chewing his lip nervously when 2D looked at him, he couldn’t figure out why though, and chose to not ask.</p><p> “I’m not hungry. Go ahead.” 2D said after a few seconds of gathering his thoughts into one place, he turned away from Murdoc and curled into the seat a bit when Murdoc replied with a grunt and left the car. He couldn’t wait to go to bed, this day felt like it was going on forever, he just wanted it to be over. </p><p> Just as his eyes started closing, the car door he was leaning fully against swung open. If he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt he would’ve landed straight onto the pavement, again. The sudden light coming through the open door made him shield his eyes roughly with his palms. Murdoc’s favourite vehicle at the moment had all blacked-out tinted windows, not a lick of light ever got through, and also no one could see inside. No one wanted to ask about it, they found it best not to ask Murdoc about a lot of things.</p><p> When his head stopped pounding from the sudden burst of light and he’d readjusted in his seat, he finally pried his hands away from his eyes to take in the sight of the person who’d opened the door.</p><p> “Oh I’m so sorry! I couldn’t see you through the glass!” It was Noodle, she had his wrists in her hands, but he hadn’t felt it, she must’ve been the one pulling his hands away from his face, he hadn’t noticed that either. She looked concerned and studied his face for a few seconds, when he didn’t say anything, or even react to her being there, she let go of his hands to grab her phone from her pocket.</p><p> “I found them.” 2D blinked, who did she find? He was staring unintentionally, and she was staring back, an unreadable expression on her face this time. “I think he’s alright.” She averted her gaze from him briefly to look at the pastry shop Murdoc was in, back turned to the window so he hadn’t yet seen Noodle.</p><p> “What’re you doin’ here?” He finally got out; his body felt like it was floating.</p><p> “Yeah, don’t worry Russ I’ve got it handled.” Noodle turned back to 2D then, she put her phone back in her pocket and told him to wait right where he was. 2D thinks he nodded at that. He watched her as she stormed into the pastry shop, dragged Murdoc out by the arm and then hurled him into the back seat with far more venom than needed.</p><p> “Hey! What are you playing at?” Murdoc growled from the back. Noodle ignored him, sticking herself in the front seat of the car and turning the key to drive away from the pastry shop. 2D watched her, he was both fascinated and hungry, despite saying he wasn’t. What was he doing in the car again?</p><p> “Noodle, my darling daughter- “</p><p> “Don’t call me that.” She snapped, breaking her silence. 2D could feel Murdoc growing angry from the backseat, but chose to keep his eyes on the road ahead. Why did he have to be involved in all this again?</p><p> “Fine! Fine. He’s fine isn’t he? Why on earth are you so worked up about this?” 2D felt a tap at his shoulder, he didn’t flinch this time. “C’mon Dee, tell her, you’re alright aren’t you ‘ey?”</p><p>2D felt a burst of irritation and anger then, but he wasn’t sure whether he was angry at Murdoc, or angry at himself. His hand grabbed at the finger on his shoulder roughly before his brain could catch up with what he was doing and held it tight, despite his high state. Murdoc yelped.</p><p> “Bloody hell! Let go!” Murdoc tried to wriggle his finger out, but it wasn’t working, 2D’s grip was freakishly strong in that moment.</p><p> “Don’t. Touch. Me.” 2D hissed, emphasising each word harshly. He let go of Murdoc’s finger suddenly, Murdoc cradled his throbbing finger in the backseat and stared daggers into the back of 2D’s head, 2D didn’t care.</p><p> No one said another word the entire ride back to Kong Studios. Noodle kept side glancing at 2D, and he noticed, but didn’t say anything. Murdoc was eerily quiet also. 2D honestly wasn’t sure why he did that, but he was tired, and he was high, and his head was starting to hurt again. Could they really blame him? Murdoc couldn’t go near him now anyways with Noodle and Russ around.</p><p>He was the first to get out of the car when they got back, he slammed the door behind him and went straight to his room. Leaving a puzzled Murdoc and Noodle behind him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> “Alright Murdoc what did you do this time? It hasn’t even been a few days since you’ve fucked with him.” Noodle set the keys down on the kitchen counter and started tapping her fingers on the surface wearily. It always got on Murdoc’s nerves when she did that. “And don’t say ‘nothing’ because I won’t even slightly believe you. You said you were taking him to see a doctor.”</p><p> “Nurse.”</p><p> “Who, did you take him to?” Noodle was glaring at him as he stood awkwardly in the doorway, marking his escape routes. He hadn’t even done anything wrong, this time at least. Well, he didn’t think so.</p><p> “I took him to Melissa.” He spoke while staring at the floor. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her face make a disgusted expression.</p><p> “You know she isn’t a real nurse.” She sighed, sitting down at the counter now in defeat. “When Russ gets back you better hide, you’re lucky I got to you first.”</p><p> “You know what he’s like in hospitals! Hates the bastards with a passion, and Melissa is nice, rather nice indeed.” He grinned, then wiped it back off his face when she didn’t look amused. “He’ll be fine now, I’m sure. I at least told you I was going yeah?”</p><p> “But you didn’t! You should’ve woken us up! We didn’t know he was bleeding out in the kitchen!” She bared her teeth at him angrily, he looked away. She sighed deeply. “I don’t want you anywhere near him until either me or Russ say so. Do you understand?” She stood up from the counter, towering over him in her high heeled boots that Murdoc could swear were his at one point.</p><p> “..Yes.” And with that she left for 2D’s room, and Murdoc was left to contemplate where he went wrong today, again.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> “2D?” Noodle peaked around the door, it was only slightly open, like he’d tried to slam it and it bounced back out of place, it didn’t help the handle was broken anyways from his last fight with Murdoc. He’d left his curtains open, so she could at least see in the otherwise dark room. She didn’t see him at first, it took her a few minutes of quietly scanning the room to see he was actually under his bed, long legs sticking out humorously. She checked her phone quickly to see a text from Russ saying he was on his way back after also looking for 2D and Murdoc in another part of London, before putting it away. Murdoc was Russ’s problem when he got back as far as she was concerned.</p><p> When she got closer to the bed, she found he was making soft snoring noises, contently asleep under his bed surrounded by a thick layer of dust and grime. She wondered what his thought process was around his choice of places to sleep, she’d found him fully clothed in the shower once asleep, as well as on top of the basement piano. She couldn’t imagine it being very comfortable, or hygienic, especially after having your head stitched up by a back-alley doctor. She hesitantly went to shake him awake, then decided to just call to him instead, remembering the way he grabbed Murdoc before.</p><p> “2D? Dee?” She sat on the floor next to the bed, her nose wrinkling at the smell of well, 2D’s room. It was definitely cleaner than Murdoc’s, but not by a considerable margin. He mumbled a little bit, something Noodle could almost make out but not quite, before waking. “Hey.”</p><p> “Why am I on the floor?” He rubbed at his face with his now grimy hands, looking worse for wear.</p><p> “I was going to ask you that.” She chuckled, offering him a hand to pull him out from under the bed, he took it and allowed himself to be rolled out. He scrambled into a sitting position quickly, not wanting to embarrass himself anymore. They both sat cross legged on the floor across from each other, 2D scratched the back of his head awkwardly.</p><p> “I didn’t go with him, I promise.”</p><p> “What? Oh, oh, I know that. He decided he knew best because he’s Murdoc, and because he’s an idiot, as per usual.” Noodle snorted. “That doesn’t explain why you were under the bed, or tried to snap his finger off. Though I wasn’t going to stop you.” She smiled, getting to her feet and pulling him with her, she gestured for him to sit on the bed and he did so – uncertain of what to say or do.</p><p> “I don’t know, honestly. I came up here all confused and angry, just wanted to hide I guess.” Noodle hummed in response.</p><p> “…Are you okay, 2D? You know you can tell us anything, well, me and Russel at least.” He nodded slowly, he began to pick his fingernails and think about what she just asked. Was he?</p><p> “I dunno, thought I was.” He couldn’t look up from his fingernails, he decided this conversation was going somewhere he didn’t want it to go.</p><p> “Murdoc wouldn’t tell us all of what happened on the beach, he said to ask you.” 2D paused the picking at his fingernails, a sudden wash of anxiety came over his body, he felt like he was suffocating, but swallowed it down. He didn’t want to do this now.</p><p> “It doesn’t matter.” He muttered, and shuffled himself under his bedsheets. “I’m tired. Talk to you later Noods.” He pulled the blankets over his head, signalling he was very much done talking.</p><p> Noodle huffed. “Okay, text me if you need anything.” He didn’t answer, his snores already returning. Noodle made sure to close his door when she left the room this time. She’d get Murdoc to fix the handle sometime, it was the least he could do.</p><p> </p><p> They got into a big fight a few days before going to Morocco to shoot the Aries video during an interview about Désolé, but Russ and Noodle didn’t think too much of it. They just called Murdoc a big drama queen for overreacting about the portals in Kong Studios. They’d already left the interview when he’d screamed at 2D about how he was pulling the strings with the portals, somehow, and he was just doing it to piss him off. 2D very much had no idea what he was going on about, and told him as such, which only riled Murdoc up more.</p><p> “KEEP YOUR PORTALS, I’M FINE.”</p><p> “If we were really controlling the portals we’d all be far away from you by now.” 2D had mumbled in response.</p><p> “What did you say?” Murdoc had turned the interview microphone off at this point. He scowled at 2D.  “You’re so ungrateful. All of you.”</p><p> “What do we have to be grateful for? Your twisted sense of authority and horrendous fashion sense?”</p><p> That’s when Murdoc had chased 2D through the studio, unknowingly to Russel and Noodle, and it had ended up in 2D slamming his door shut to avoid Murdoc, handle breaking in the process.</p><p> They thought Murdoc had tried to make up with 2D after that, but clearly he had other intentions.</p><p> </p><p> When she got back to the living room, she was surprised to see Russel and Murdoc sitting next to each other on the sofa, though Murdoc was pouting, he had his arms crossed around his knees like a child, Noodle wouldn’t say it was unfair to say he was acting like one. Russel looked up at her and waved through a smile.</p><p> “I told him no more Song Machine until he gets along with 2D. That’s why he’s being a big baby.” Noodle laughed and sat on the sofas along with them.</p><p> “You’re such a child.” She directed at him, he stuck out his tongue in response. “You’re lucky he’s alright because if he hadn’t been, we would’ve done worse to you - for future reference.” She said nonchalantly, grabbing the tv remote from the coffee table and switching it onto a channel she’d never heard of, but seemed like good background noise.</p><p> “Did you even apologise?” Russ spoke over the tv, looking at Murdoc who had his chin in his knees and was watching the tv quietly. He looked at Russ then back at the tv.</p><p> “Yes. I don’t think he remembers.”</p><p> “Bullshit, if you apologised he’d remember. It’s a rare occasion after all.” Russ turned to face Murdoc directly, pressuring him to look at him.</p><p> “I PROMISE I apologised alright? He’s just pissed off at me.”</p><p> “I can’t imagine why.” Noodle interjected, not looking up from her phone. Murdoc nodded his head.</p><p> “Yeah. Well. If he doesn’t want to accept my apology that’s whatever. I don’t care.”</p><p> Noodle looked up from her phone at that, raising her eyebrow at him. “Well, you should. You should care.”</p><p> Murdoc decided he’d had enough of that then, and left the room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Piano chord, dictionary.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Interview</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Well, very sorry, but he’s a bit under the weather yeah? So why don’t we just reschedule it if you don’t want to do it without him.” Murdoc was getting frustrated; he’d been on the phone with the producers and radio station for almost an hour trying to get them to let 2D out of the interview and he was losing his very small amount of patience. “Me, Noodle and Russ will be there and if you don’t like it then well, that’s <em>your</em> problem.” He slammed the home phone down hard into the receiver, he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d broken it, just another thing on the list of things to replace sometime, oh well.</p><p> Unbeknownst to Murdoc, 2D had heard the whole thing from behind his door. He found he yet again couldn’t sleep, and Murdoc wasn’t exactly being quiet. He still acted surprised when Murdoc knocked on his door to come tell him that he didn’t have to do the interview, that he’d sorted it and not to worry. He’d even smiled and put both of his thumbs up in a way that 2D wanted to find funny but couldn’t. He felt bad, seeing Murdoc go to an actual effort for him was strange to say the least, and he didn’t want the rest of the band to deal with the aftermath of him not attending the interview really. Even if he did have a valid excuse, and the rest of the band were pushing for him not to go to the interview too.</p><p> Fuck it, he’d go. He knew he didn’t have to, and he knew the producers and radio station were in the wrong, but he’d still feel bad it he didn’t go. He quickly took a shower to get rid of the grime of the past few days, he hadn’t realised he’d gotten so nasty, and made his way to the car to catch up with the rest of the band. He stuck Russel’s red hat over his bruised up forehead and knocked harshly on the passenger side of the car.</p><p> “I’m coming too.” They heard him mumble through the window, Russ glanced at him from the passenger side, then looked at Noodle who appeared to shrug. Russ sighed and motioned for him to get in the back, which he does quickly, knowing full well they were running behind after yet another argument with the radio station. He buckled himself in next to Murdoc before Noodle started scolding him.</p><p> “We told you, you shouldn’t be coming to this interview.” She glared through the driver’s mirror, locking eyes with 2D stubbornly.</p><p> “I want to come. I’m fine.” Noodle muttered something under her breath but returned her attention to the road regardless. Leaving the car in yet another awkward silence. After a few minutes he felt Murdoc tap his shoulder and turned to find he was holding a Rubik’s cube out to him. His Rubik’s cube, in fact.</p><p> Murdoc rubbed the back of his neck softly, long nails gripping the cube. “Uh, I’ve been waiting to give this back to you. I took it with me to prison and forgot I had it” 2D looked between the cube and Murdoc, waiting for a catch that didn’t come. He slowly took it off of Murdoc, inspecting it to make sure it wasn’t booby trapped or anything. Not the first time that had happened. Once he confirmed it was in fact, just his cube, he smiled a little.</p><p> “Thanks.” He said slowly, already starting to mess with it. He was so good at doing Rubik’s cubes, it broke his heart a little bit when he ‘lost’ it. So even though Murdoc had been the one to steal it, which he gathered was probably the case, he was still happy to have it back. 2D could see Russ smiling in the front out of the corner of his eye, maybe Murdoc was making progress after all, Russ thought, as 2D became increasingly more focused on completing the puzzle. Murdoc watched in pure wonder, he was always impressed (but more jealous if he was being honest) that 2D was so good at the damn thing, he couldn’t count the amount of times he’d broken one against the wall in frustration. Murdoc was glad 2D couldn’t tell that it wasn’t his original Rubik’s cube, which now lay in pieces somewhere outside his former prison cell.</p><p> Once they arrived and had set up everything for the interview, along with some bitter greetings between the radio station producers, they could finally get to it.</p><p> The interviewer was a middle-aged looking guy who’s voice Murdoc didn’t recognise from the phone, so chose not to be as bitter with him.</p><p> “Welcome to our radio show, Gorillaz, it’s so strange to see you in person, a good strange, mind you.”</p><p> Murdoc was the first to speak, as always. “Why thank you....what’s your name?”</p><p> “Jim.”</p><p> “Jim! It’s awfully nice to be here. We’ve been absolutely ecstatic about this interview all week.” Murdoc was already going off with his radio show host act, it left a weight in 2D’s chest every time he did the act. Reminding him solidly of both Plastic Beach and Wobble Street. Though he had to admit, Murdoc could be quite funny when he wasn’t being completely and utterly horrible.</p><p> “I’m glad to hear it.” Jim shuffled his papers about on the table and adjusted his microphone slightly, smiling warmly at them all. “So tell me, what have you guys been up to between the release of the beautifully melancholic song, ‘Désolé', and now’?”</p><p> Noodle cleared her throat before Murdoc could get a word in, and began to speak. “Well, Jim, it’s entirely top secret at this moment in time, we can assure you a lot has happened between now and then, and we’ll reveal all when the time comes.” Jim nodded at her, smile never leaving his face.</p><p> “Fantastic, we’re all really excited, here in the studio. The boss has many of your posters in his office.”</p><p> “Oh does he now? Well, that’s good to know.” Murdoc smirked, already planning something in his head to get back at him for being an ass on the phone.</p><p> “Should I be worried at the face he’s making?”</p><p> “That’s just his face. Don’t worry about it.” Russ interjected, thwapping Murdoc over the head lightly.</p><p> “Right. So Mr 2D, I’m sure you’ve been asked this before, but what’s it like having Murdoc back? This is the first album type project you’ve worked on with him since he’s been out of prison, is that correct?”</p><p> 2D was zoning out for the most part of the interview, and just about picked up on his name being said and the question that was directed at him. He looked up quickly to see him looking back expectantly. Question about Murdoc, right he could handle that.</p><p> “Uhh it’s been a bit strange but we’re all making it work. Song Machine has been really fun for us honestly, for the most part, it’s nice to do something a bit flexible if you know what I mean, instead of the rigidness of an album, yeah?”</p><p> “Yeah I get that. It's certainly refreshing to us too.” Jim gave him a thumbs up. “It’s nice to see you all back together again. But I must ask, will Ace be returning at any point in the future?”</p><p> Russ chuckled a bit, their plans for Song Machine were best kept a secret for now, but it was still funny to mess with the fans. “That green dude? No idea.”</p><p> All four of them tried not to laugh, 2D almost failing to keep his contained. Jim stared at them all in confusion, but carried on with the interview regardless.</p><p> “What’s been all of your favourite parts of working on Song Machine so far, may I ask?”</p><p> Noodle was the first to answer, slamming her palms down on her thighs excitedly. “Working with Fatoumata Diawara for sure!! She was such a treasure. I could listen to her sing all day.”</p><p> “I think you did love.” Murdoc laughed heartily, earning a small slap off Noodle on the arm.</p><p> “Shut up!” Her face was heating up, Russ decided to distract the conversation to him before the teasing escalated.</p><p> “Well, my favourite part was definitely watching Murdoc cry like a little baby on the footage for ‘Désolé’, not much sadder than the tears of a clown.”</p><p> “Watch it you.” Murdoc waggled his finger at Russ jokingly, a smile plastered to his face.</p><p> “I liked that part too.” 2D chuckled, earning the same waggled finger motion.</p><p> “Mr Niccals, what was your favourite part?”</p><p> “I’ll let you know when that happens mate.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A very short chapter, but I promise there's a lot more to come. There are some parts from actual interviews mushed into this. I hope everyone's safe and doing okay by the way! Look after yourselves and each other always.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Turkey Twizzler</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After party.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings for: almost vomitting, lots of shouting, mentions to alcohol, pills (not really) among other things</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> They get back around 8pm after going to a restaurant for a quick meal after the interview, they stayed a while after to ‘party’ with the radio station team, which included one whole pack of beer and a couple of bowls of crisps. It was still nice to hang out for a bit, even if it was unprompted, but they could tell 2D at least was getting tired, so they had to say their goodbyes and decided to get some <em>actual</em> food.</p><p> Not one of them had started arguing at any point during or after the interview, it had to of been a first. It wasn’t often they all did an interview together and they’d managed to make it work with little to no problems, it did help the interviewer himself was a very nice man that Murdoc did an awful lot of talking with after the interview, which Russ absolutely teased him for.</p><p> “Aw, has someone got a little crush.” Russ pinched Murdoc’s cheek and watched him grow a brighter shade of green, if that was possible.</p><p> Murdoc spat and scoffed, very flustered. Russ loved every second of it.</p><p> Now they were back, and 2D was being carried over Noodle’s shoulders back to his room despite offers from both Murdoc and Russ to take him. 2D had fallen asleep in the restaurant itself after having eaten exactly four curly fries and drinking half a glass of water. They didn’t <em>really</em> mind though as long as he was sleeping soundly. Noodle did make a note to get him to eat more though, he looked like he was wasting away these days, and he was already skinny.</p><p> After dumping him graciously in his bed, she returned back to the studio’s main room to relax for a bit before retiring to her room herself. Murdoc and Russel were having what appeared to be a joyous conversation with each other, and those were just as rare as them all getting along. She supposed the day had left everyone in higher spirits, it was really nice to see Murdoc and Russ getting along regardless, usually they were the first at each other’s necks.</p><p> “It’s lovely to see mum and dad not fighting for once.” Noodle chuckled, putting her legs up on the coffee table. Murdoc turned to her, stopping the conversation abruptly.</p><p> “I hope I’m dad.”</p><p> “Mm.. I won’t answer that.” She replied, digging out her phone to reply to the texts she hadn’t been able to reply to all day because of the interview. How Russ and Murdoc still had energy after that she had no idea, she would too usually but she’d spent most of the after party talking and making up with the people Murdoc had pissed off previously in the day. Murdoc and Russ went back to their conversation, they were talking about an idea for another song by the sounds of it, along with some light teasing, but Noodle wasn’t particularly interested in the details right then.</p><p> The next thing she knew it was morning, and she was still on the sofa. As were Murdoc and Russ, sleeping soundly against each other’s shoulders. She ‘awwed’ before snapping a picture with her low battery phone. She was a bit annoyed that she hadn’t plugged it in last night, but she also wasn’t expecting to be sleeping on the sofa. It is what it is, she thought, going to plug it in by the toaster. She startled when she heard a knock at the door, but it didn’t wake Murdoc or Russ. She put her phone down and made her way to the door. Who got past the security gates that wasn’t Jamie or Damon? No one else knew the code…</p><p> “Hi!” Noodle stared wide eyed at the lady in front of her, she was incredibly beautiful, long dark curls flowing down her shoulders loosely.</p><p> “Hi….um who are you and how did you get past the gates?” She tapped her fingers on the door frame impatiently, who was she to just waltz up to their door like it was nothing?</p><p> “Oh, OH! Sorry, I’m Melissa.” Oh. “But you can call me Mel.” She winked.</p><p> “Mel…I wasn’t expecting to see you, ever. Kind of actually thought you weren’t real if I’m being honest.” Noodle was biting her bottom lip, who had Murdoc dragged into their lives now? She seemed nice enough but. You couldn’t really ever trust anyone Murdoc was involved with.</p><p> “I’m most certainly real, real enough to have seen Mr Niccals too many times to count by now. I fear his visits with bated breath.” She winks again, Noodle doesn’t know why she blushes. “But anyways, sorry for the rude interruption but I’m on my way to work.”</p><p> “Work?”</p><p> “Yes, I’m a nurse.”</p><p> “A real one?”</p><p> She laughs, Noodle’s face heats up more. “Yes a real one, oh you are funny. You must be Noodle right? You’re far prettier in person y’know. But regardless of that I have Mr Niccals’ phone here, he left it at my house before I kicked him out.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out what was definitely Murdoc’s phone, the absolutely smashed to smithereens screen and green scratched up case giving it away.</p><p> “Well, thank you. That’s really kind of you, I’ll tell him to come thank you right now actually.” Noodle turned to maneuverer back into the kitchen, but Mel grabbed her arm before she went too far.</p><p> “No need, my day will be stressful enough without seeing Murdoc’s face this early in the morning.” She laughed, and Noodle yet again found herself blushing. She knew Murdoc had called this lady pretty before, but Mel really was beautiful.</p><p> “I get that yeah.” She smirked in the doorframe, pocketing the phone.</p><p> “Well, I’ll leave you be, really sorry about jumping the gates by the way, Murdoc never gave me the code.”</p><p> Jumped? “Um, no worries, thank you again.”</p><p> “Anytime.” Mel winked, and then seemed to remember something. “Oh! How’s Mr Pot? I completely forgot to ask, and I couldn’t ask Murdoc, because well, I had his phone.”</p><p> “Who?” Noodle was mesmerised by the woman; she had such an…aura about her. Noodle shook her head. “OH. 2D? Yeah he’s doing okay I think, I’ll ask him when he wakes up. Thank you for doing that for him.”</p><p> “My pleasure, but please insist on him visiting the hospital next time. I cannot stress enough how much of a pain in the ass it is to clean blood off the kitchen tiles. If the police ever visited my home they’d have me in cuffs within 5 minutes. Ah! And make sure to check his stitches, I gotta go or I’d do it!” Noodle chuckled and nodded her head, waving her off. She watched her jump the gate again without triggering the alarm with ease yet again, a woman after her own heart…</p><p> What on earth just happened? Noodle shook her head again, plopping Murdoc’s phone onto the sofa adjacent from Murdoc and Russ, who were still fast asleep. She took the opportunity to visit 2D in his room following that odd interaction. She hadn’t been attracted to someone in a long time, she just quite frankly hadn’t had the time, but…yeah she definitely felt something, even if it was just ‘my brain saw a pretty lady and now I am in love’.</p><p> She knocked once, lightly on 2D’s door, she didn’t close the door last night, but it was closed now so he must’ve been up at some point.</p><p> “2D? You up?”</p><p> A round of crashing sounds could be heard coming from inside the room, Noodle punched on the door harder this time. “2D? Are you okay?”</p><p> Then the door unlatched, and he stood there in his boxers and shirt looking incredibly tired, red rims adding to his already dark rimmed eyes.</p><p> “Oh hey Noods what’s up?” He played with the hem of his shirt as he spoke, the room was almost pitch black, and he looked like he was trying to block her already limited view into the room entirely with his body.</p><p> “2D, what’s going on?” She said sternly, feeling around on the wall by the entrance to his room for the light switch, he batted her hand away.</p><p> “NOTHING!”</p><p> “Stu.” She was face to face with him now, he quickly got out of her line of sight and closed the door behind him, leaving them both in the hallway.</p><p> “There’s nothing going on in there I promise.”</p><p> “Then why are you being so jumpy?” She stepped away from him to look him up and down, he looked like he’d just thrown on whatever he could find in a hurry, and his hair was wet, and he smelled…. strange. “Is there someone…in there?”</p><p> “What?” He pieced together what she said slowly. “No! No nothing like that.”</p><p> She bit her bottom lip and looked him up and down again. “If you won’t tell me then at least let me look at your stitches.” She pointed at his forehead. He touched where she was pointing at, he’d forgotten about them himself. He agreed slowly and let her move his damp hair out of the way so she could see the stitches, there was a lot of purple and red blotches around it, but she assumed that was to be expected. He had hit his head after all. “Man, you’d better keep an eye on those, don’t want that getting worse.” 2D nodded, trying to shuffle back into his room.</p><p> “Yeah yeah, thanks Noods, uh, see you later.” He grabbed the door handle to let himself back in, but Noodle was quicker than him and snuck straight through when he opened it and turned the light on.</p><p> She froze. “Oh my god.”</p><p> The room was full of smashed bottles, broken keyboards, ripped bedsheets, scattered pills and scraps of music paper. The wall was covered in scribblings, like his room back at Spirit House, and the light hanging from the ceiling was just about holding on despite multiple loose wires coming out of the base.</p><p> “Oh my GOD Dee?!” She repeated and walked a couple of steps into the room, grateful to still be wearing her shoes from yesterday, to assess the damage. She’d be impressed if she wasn’t horrified. Making their rooms soundproof sounded like a great idea at the time, no one could complain about weird noises in the night, or guitar and keyboard sounds. But…if they’d have heard any of this going on this would’ve been stopped immediately. Pros and cons, she supposed.</p><p> “I can explain.” He began, a thin sheen of nervous sweat coating his body already.</p><p> “Can you?!” She yelled, picking up a couple of sheets of paper from the floor that had words on that she didn’t want to think about. “What possessed you to do this?” She stood in disbelief in the middle of the room, tapping her foot against the floorboards rapidly.</p><p> Last night when she’d left 2D to his room, he had a bit of a nightmare, woke up, started drinking from his stolen liquor stash from Murdoc’s room, and he….</p><p> Yeah.</p><p> “I’m sorry.” He mumbled, clutching the edges of his shirt with his nails, tearing little holes in it. He didn’t like this shirt anyways. “I don’t know why I did this. I’ll clean it.”</p><p> Noodle frowned. He was acting off to say the least.</p><p> “2D talk to me, everything was fine yesterday right? What happened?” She reached out for him, but he stepped back, inching closer to the door. “Dee?”</p><p> “I don’t know, stop asking me things I don’t know! Okay?” He said frustratedly through the gap in his teeth.</p><p> She was beginning to get frustrated herself, if he didn’t talk to them, they couldn’t help him. They’d made that abundantly clear to him last year.</p><p> “When was the last time you saw your therapist?” They locked eyes again, 2D stood his ground and refused to answer. “Alright fine, don’t tell me. Don’t tell us <em>anything</em>. See how that works out for you.” She grit her teeth, why was he being so standoffish about it? They literally just wanted to help. Why was that so hard for him to grasp?</p><p> “Fine, I won’t. Sod off.”</p><p> “<strong><em>Fine</em></strong>.”</p><p> “FINE.” She slammed the door as she left, and watched the handle finally give up and fall to the ground. 2D opened the door again to see what the noise was.</p><p> “Oh.” He looked at the handle on the floor, completely focused on it and nothing else.</p><p> “Dee, you know I don’t want to fight you.”</p><p> “You are though. I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just a room.”</p><p> “Yes, I know but you trashed <em>your</em> <em>own</em> room. I’m just confused okay?” Noodle sighed heavily, picking the door handle up and half putting it back into the door. When she looked back into the room again, she saw it. “What’s that?” She pointed into the room, she hadn’t seen it before. 2D followed her gaze and froze.</p><p> “Nothing.”</p><p> “Liar!”</p><p> “Just go away!”</p><p> “Wh- you’re expecting me to walk away after seeing that?!”</p><p> “It’s none of your business.”</p><p> “It very much is my business. Go to the main room right now.” Her tone had shifted completely, she was pissed, and she was upset, a very messy combination.</p><p> “No, oh for god’s sake.” He went to go back into his room, but Noodle gripped his arm tightly.</p><p> “2D we care about you; you know that right? We really care about you. Why are you doing this?”</p><p> “Stop asking me!” He snapped, voice raising far above what Noodle had ever heard from him, and in her mixed-up emotional state, her palm connected with his face, and they both stood there, completely dumbfounded. They seemed to stare at each other, neither knowing what to say. Noodle was the first to react, her hand letting go of his arm and coming to her mouth in horror. Tears quickly filled her eyes.</p><p> “Oh god oh god I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to-“</p><p> “What the hell is going in here?” Murdoc’s voice appeared as he got closer to the incident, he wasn’t expecting to see Noodle, tears running down her cheeks, and a handprint on 2D’s.</p><p> That’s when 2D bolted, not wanting to hear anymore. Murdoc attempted to grab him, but he was too fast for Murdoc, which left Russel, who’d also woken up with the yelling. 2D didn’t see Russ as he lunged for the front door, only to be swept up by Russ tightly.</p><p> “LET ME GO!” 2D kicked at Russ, which only made him hold tighter but not too tight.</p><p> “Man what is up with you?” Russ asked as Murdoc attempted to help calm him down too.</p><p> “NOTHING! LET ME GO. I NEED TO LEAVE.”</p><p> “And where are you gonna go exactly.” Russ held him up from under his arms and looked at him with raised brows. 2D squirmed in his hold, but gave up fighting him, clearly outmatched.</p><p> “I don’t know!” 2D sighed and gripped his hair tightly, Murdoc made a move to stop him, but Russ gave him a look that said, ‘don’t get involved’. Russ slowly put him down, feet connecting with the floor shakily. He looked awful. In fact, he kinda looked like he was gonna..</p><p> He gagged once, and Murdoc made a move to grab the nearest waste basket. He got it to 2D just in time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was only going to upload the one chapter today, but it felt really short and also I wanted to go into a few things. Again, hope you're all okay.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. It's a beautiful day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A walk and a surprise visitor.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for mentions of alcohol, smoking, abuse mentions, I THINK that's it, feel free to correct me and I'll edit this ASAP</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> Despite it being March, it was still incredibly cold. London always tended to be colder than anywhere else in the UK, which 2D found strange since a lot of people lived in London. Global warming and all that. Russel was walking at his side, and he wasn’t sure how many times he’d passed this particular post box now, but it was definitely more than three.</p><p> “Dee, look we’re gonna have to talk about- “</p><p> “I’m not talking about it. I’m not.” 2D scuffed his shoes against the ground a little, whatever happened to a nice, peaceful walk…. with no talking.</p><p> “Okay, can I talk then?” Russ had his hands in his pockets, he was a little bit overdressed with one of his more thermal jackets on, he usually runs a bit warmer after all. It made 2D feel a bit less embarrassed though, since Noodle made him wear three layers in worry.</p><p> 2D nodded. He looked content enough with the less than fresh air of the streets surrounding the studio, and the cig dangling from the corner of his mouth.</p><p> “Y’know, there’s a lot of shit we’ve put up with as a band, yeah?”</p><p> 2D nodded again.</p><p> “But I know for a fact, that you’ve been through something me and Noodle haven’t. And we don’t understand. We haven’t for a long time.”</p><p> “20 years.” 2D didn’t look up when he spoke.</p><p> “20 years, yeah. I know we weren’t there for Plastic Beach, and God, Dee, I don’t know why you came back honestly, after all that. I wouldn’t have even wanted to think about being in the band again.”</p><p> 2D was silent, but he was listening.</p><p> “But you did, and he continued to treat you like garbage, and none of us saw it. Not soon enough, anyways.” He paused, trying to find the best way to approach what he wanted to ask him. “Look, me and Noodle have been talking, a lot, and, well, if you wanted, we could leave. Me, you and Noodle. Even if Murdoc is ‘cleaning up his act’, none of us can make you feel comfortable around him, and quite frankly it’d be much nicer, in general.”</p><p> 2D let it go quiet, he knew Russ knew he was thinking about it, carefully calculating his response. It felt colder than before, but the air tasted less bitter.</p><p> “It’s not that easy. I want it to be that easy but…Gorillaz is my home. I know we don’t act like a family sometimes, but even…. even Murdoc is family yeah? I can’t be selfish and give all this up just because I don’t know how to deal with my bullshit.” He didn’t look up; his eyes were fixated on watching his shoelaces slowly come undone as they walked, and a snail making its way down the path.</p><p> Russ sighed and touched his shoulder softly. “Yeah, I get you, I really do, but home is killing you man, and it’s taken all this time for us to take any notice, and for you to show it.”</p><p> 2D laughed at that, but stopped himself, remembering this was a serious conversation. Serious, he could do serious.</p><p> “Don’t worry about it Russ.”</p><p> “I’m not worried about ‘it’, I’m worried about <em>you</em>. How can we help you, Dee?”</p><p> 2D shrugged, genuinely not knowing himself.  He rubbed at his eyes with his hands when they itched a little, finding they came away wet.</p><p> “How about you try therapy again, but this time Murdoc comes with you. If you’re so hellbent on us all staying together, it could be a good start.” 2D is ready to laugh, or gag, or cry, but the look on Russ’s face is of concern, like it had been all day. He was getting tired of seeing people be sad over him, it made him feel strange. It was unfamiliar.</p><p> “I don’t know. I don’t think he’d even go for himself.”</p><p> “How about you think about it at least, I did it when I was younger with my parents, there was a lot of crying, lotta tears, but we all came out better off at the end of it.” They’d stopped walking now, 2D was still glaring at the ground, but at least his head felt clearer.</p><p> “Yeah. I’ll think about it.” He smiled, it’s small, but Russ took it as a win and ruffled his hair.</p><p> “Good, now can we stop walking in circles? I’m gonna lose my mind.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> “Give me that, for Satan’s sake.” Murdoc grumbled, grabbing the bin bag from Noodle who was barely holding it anyways. “I’ll handle this, okay? You’re clearly still upset and the only help you’re going to be is for cleaning the floor with your tears!” He said, but it’s soft and not like his usual quips. Noodle nodded in response, knowing he was right, for once, and relinquishing all cleaning duties to Murdoc. It was about time he did some housework anyways. She couldn’t recall him lifting a finger to help…. possibly ever.</p><p> Noodle knew she was worked up, and she knew she should try and calm herself down but… she just felt so guilty, not just about slapping 2D, which made her physically recoil to think about, but about all the things she’d missed. She’d missed the way 2D was hurting, she hadn’t paid attention to the way Murdoc was behaving, and now they had a real mess on their hands, one far bigger than the one in 2D’s room. Who makes a rope out of bedsheets? He was adamant he was purely just drunk, and he had no intention on…. yeah, but still. She kept trying to contain her frustration, flipping through the tv channels at lightning speed, at least her fingers were getting a workout. Not that playing guitar wasn’t enough of one.</p><p> Being lost in flipping through the many channels almost made her miss the sound of the doorbell, which Murdoc had made sing the Song Machine tune, she couldn’t say she’d ever heard anyone actually use the doorbell, which made her think it wasn’t 2D and Russ being locked out. Cautiously, she approached the door, she wondered who on earth it could be this time. She absolutely wasn’t ready for another interaction with Mel like this.</p><p> To her absolute surprise, there stood Ace. In all his green glory and pointy sunglasses. She opened her mouth a couple of times to say something, but the chaos of the day was making her mind go a million miles an hour. He watched her curiously, unsure whether to speak first, or let Noodle focus on what she was trying to say. In the end, she brushed her hair out of her eyes in an attempt to fix her appearance and began to speak, still a little shocked.</p><p> “Ace, you know we love you.”</p><p> “Damn right.” He winked. Noodle rolled her eyes, but smirked at his antics, she couldn’t say she was entirely annoyed he was here.</p><p> “But you’re incredibly early. We weren’t expecting you until <em>May.”</em></p><p> “Agh, I know I know, I’m really sorry I didn’t give any heads up but…. I caught wind of what uh, what Murdoc did to 2D at the Aries shoot and I couldn’t help but worry for the guy.” He looked embarrassed, Noodle wanted to tease him for being a softie, but wasn’t really feeling it. “So now I’m here, aaaand I’m sensing I walked in at a bad time.” He pointed to her puffy eyes and backwards jumper, she grimaced at him and clicked her tongue.</p><p> “You’d be right. But it’s okay, it’s nice to have you b-.”</p><p> “Ace! My man har har! How’ve you been?” Murdoc’s voice echoed down the first flight of stairs; Noodle dreaded to think how long he’d been lurking there. Ace looked at Murdoc, who was very awkwardly standing at the top of the stairs, rubbing his hands together. He looked nervous; Ace knew he was very much right to be.</p><p> “Aw I was just about to start talking about you, you come one more step down those stairs ‘Doc, and I’ll bite ya nose off.” Murdoc knew he wasn’t joking, despite Ace’s devious smile. He quickly blurted out he was going back to cleaning, and disappeared out of sight.</p><p> Noodle ushered Ace into the main room eventually and set him up on the sofa next to her, she handed him the remote, telling him she couldn’t take any more flicking and for him to pick something. Ace just shrugged and obliged, putting on the first thing that looked somewhat interesting. Then something occurred to him.</p><p> “Why’s ‘Doc cleaning anyways? Finally deep cleaning his room?” He chuckled. “Could do with a deep clean himself.”</p><p> Noodle laughed, shaking her head, deeply amused by the idea of Murdoc cleaning his own room.</p><p> “No, no he’s sleeping in the basement anyways, he’s cleaning 2D’s, it’s not my place to explain why.” She bounced her leg as she spoke, not really wanting to talk about it, worried she’d cry again.</p><p> “What? That’s…. odd to hear. Didn’t he used to make 2D clean <strong><em>his</em></strong> room?”</p><p> “What?”</p><p> “He didn’t tell you?”</p><p> “No?! When was this?” Ace is the one looking awkward now, he hadn’t realised this was something 2D hadn’t shared with the others. This was one of the less awful things he’d told Ace. Many of his tales had slipped out while he was drunk, or so high he couldn’t feel his fingers. He remembered every interaction vividly too, even when he was drunk or high himself. Every horrid story about Murdoc clung to his clothes like the smell of a bad club.</p><p> “Urm, not my place to say either probably. But, he said it was happening during when you were creating Humanz, among other things.”</p><p> Humanz. It was that recent? They really had been blinded by Murdoc. Noodle felt awful, more so than she had before. She knew it wasn’t her fault, and it wasn’t Russel’s fault, but she wanted so badly to make it up to him. She wanted <em>Murdoc</em> to make it up to him.</p><p> She wished things were easier, but it didn’t work that way.</p><p> 2D would insist everything was fine, and they’d all taken his word, and Noodle thinks she’d do it again too. They really, honestly thought he was a bad liar. Turned out he was only a bad liar when it didn’t involve himself.</p><p> Just as she began to ask about what else 2D had told him, the door swung open to reveal Russel and 2D, laughing and falling over each other like they’d just been on a night out, but that was <em>very</em> specifically off the table. Noodle smiled, glad 2D was feeling better regardless, once he stopped laughing and opened his laughter tear filled eyes, he froze. Noodle was briefly worried that 2D wasn’t happy Ace was there, but that was quickly overturned when a big smile crossed his face. Ace stood, looking at him with just as much happiness in his expression and opened his arms wide.</p><p> “C’mere.” 2D practically leapt over the sofa into Ace’s arms, laughing wildly the whole time. Ace squeezed him tight, earning a small ow which made Ace almost drop him from his hold entirely. Noodle and Russ beamed at each other, happy to see 2D so elated. Ace became a very good friend of 2D over the course of The Now Now, and Noodle and Russel couldn’t count the amount of times 2D had mentioned how much he missed him. Maybe his timing hadn’t been so off after all. Maybe this was what he needed.</p><p> “Your room’s not finished being uh, cleaned yet Dee. Why don’t you and Ace go do something? If you’re feeling up to it that is.” Noodle said, interrupting their excited, and almost incomprehensible chatter.</p><p> 2D, now being held from a slight, less squashable distance beamed at Ace excitedly. Ace returned his excitement, but was a little hesitant, having not known what had actually happened that day. But it would be nice to spend some time out, even if it’s just with one band member. Plus by the sound of it, 2D needed a break.</p><p> “Any ideas, Stu?” 2D tapped his chin, not realising he was the centre of attention, the tension from the morning was still hanging in the air, but not enough to permeate the huge shift in mood for 2D. He was going to take this distraction and use it to his advantage, not in a weird way.</p><p> “How about bowling?” He said after a while, not entirely sure why it was the first thing to come to mind. It was almost always more fun with more people too.</p><p> “Bowling? Oh, I’m not going easy on you, forewarning, I’m a <em>little</em> bit of a pro.”</p><p> “Oh you are so going down.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi again! I apologise for the sloppy writing, as always, but I hope you're all doing okay! I hope I don't mess up the timeline of this, I'm going for March since that's when Aries came out. </p><p>I have some fun things planned for this fic, and I hope the journey there won't be too long for you all. </p><p>As a sidenote this has been really therapeutic to write, for various reasons, and it's nice to see people enjoying it as much as I'm enjoying writing it, even if there's parts that are hard, but y'know there's always a light at the end of the tunnel as they say *winks at machine bitez #8*.</p><p>Anyways I'm rambling, thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Don't turn on us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Bowling fun and violent confrontation in the same chapter? More likely than you think.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings for: Mentions of drugs once, violence, blood, alcohol mentions, mild threat etc, please let me know if I've missed anything.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> They arrived at the bowling alley and well, it wasn’t 2D’s favourite one, but it was quiet. They don’t really pick up until late in the evening though, it felt strange being there while it was daylight outside. He loved bowling alleys though, the lights, the sounds, pool tables, weird neon colours and strange sickly smells just added to the experience entirely. He knew Ace loved it too, the man practically looked like he was ready to go bowling anytime you snapped your fingers just from his outfits alone.</p><p> As much as 2D was enjoying being there, he was having an incredibly hard time acting…..’normal’. He was trying his best to not act strange in front of Ace after the morning he’d had, but it was proving incredibly difficult.</p><p> “You alright?” Ace was sitting now, he was pulling on a pair of bowling shoes, when did they sit down to put shoes on? When did he give his own away?</p><p> “Oh, uh..” He began while he looked at his feet. He’d put his shoes on, but he was forgetting something. He doesn’t remember putting them on. He can’t remember how to tie them. “Yes.”</p><p> “Ready to get your ass whooped?” Ace smirked, 2D found comfort in it. A familiarity.</p><p> 2D snorted “You <em>know</em> you’re not going to win right?”</p><p> “Neither of us are gonna win if you don’t tie your shoes.” Ace was coming over; 2D’s skin was on fire. “It’s okay.” He kneeled down, smile never leaving his face. “It’s okay.” He tied his shoes in such a gentle way, it wasn’t like when Murdoc would do it – far too fucking tight, he’d had to cut the laces off multiple times before now to get his feet out. He swore he wouldn’t let anyone do them for him ever again...</p><p> 2D forgot to say thank you, too bewildered to do anything but stare at his newly tied laces. Ace laughed and grabbed his hand to pull him up and towards the actual lanes. His first point of call was picking up the heaviest looking bowling ball he could find and handing it to 2D.</p><p> “Can you handle this one pretty boy?” His smile was devious, mocking, but not in the bad way, 2D thinks at least.</p><p> “Um, yes of course I can.” He grabbed it with both hands, not caring that Ace was laughing at his terrible act of pretending to be strong. “But I don’t like the colour of this one…”</p><p> “Is that so?”</p><p> “Mhmm.” 2D shovelled it back into Ace’s hold quickly before it slipped from his fingers, grabbing a far lighter ball in its place and sitting down with it on the bench while Ace took the first go, at 2D’s insistence. He got a strike immediately, but they both expected that, 2D put his thumb down and made fart noises with his mouth to congratulate him. Ace bowed courteously.</p><p> “Lucky first try.”</p><p> “It’s not luck when it’s <em>every</em> try.” Ace lifted his sunglasses to wink; he did that a lot. It was the only time any of them ever really saw his eyes. 2D hoped he wasn’t embarrassed of them or anything, they were really cool. He’d hate to have to cover up his own eyes all the time. Regardless, it was 2D’s turn, Ace sat on the bench this time grinning expectantly. They were both a <em>little</em> competitive…okay, a little bit more than that.</p><p> 2D knew he was decent at bowling, but when his eyesight was acting up – like today, he definitely wasn’t decent at bowling – far, far from it, in fact. He squinted at the pins, he wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing like that until Ace told him to get a move on, but he was smirking when 2D turned a little to look at his face.</p><p> Fuck it, he launched the bright pink ball as hard as he could down the lane, hoping it’d hit <em>something</em> at least. He heard the strike animation music play on the TV above the lane and he felt lucky for the first time today. He really couldn’t handle embarrassing himself in front of Ace, that’s the very last thing he wanted. The guy was so damn cool, and he’d done his fair share of embarrassing himself for the rest of his life in the past few days.</p><p> “I’d call that a lucky strike for sure, because you can’t fuckin’ see.” He said as 2D walked back to the bench, 2D pretended to look hurt.</p><p> “You don’t know that.”</p><p> “You’re right, hang on.” Ace got up and walked over to the bar a good 15 feet away and held up his hand. “So, how many fingers am I holding up?”</p><p> 2D put his middle finger up back.</p><p> They both laughed and Ace made his way back over, putting both his hands on 2D’s shoulders.</p><p> “It doesn’t matter if you play like shit today, it’s not a fair fight really is it if you’re having a bad…. eye day? Next time it’s on though.” 2D backed out of the hold a little, still laughing.</p><p> “Yeah yeah fine, I bet I’m still better than you even though I can’t see.”</p><p> “You just admitted you can’t see!” Ace was laughing, they were both laughing again.</p><p> “I really hate you.” 2D didn’t think he’d laughed that much in a little while, having friends outside the band isn’t a luxury he’d often been able to get accustomed to, so this was…. nice. He hoped Ace genuinely wanted to be there and wasn’t just feeling sorry for him, like everyone else seemed to be doing lately.</p><p> Ace was taking his go again, eyeing up the pins maniacally. He wondered if 2D would notice if he went easy on him, probably. That wasn’t the only thing playing on his mind though, he’d wanted to talk to 2D the whole time, but he couldn’t find the words, the mood was a bit sour on the way there and he didn’t want to dampen it again. Then again, it wasn’t like they weren’t going to be having fun the whole time.</p><p> “’Ey Stu?” He started, getting ready to roll the ball in a way that would only knock a portion of the pins down.</p><p> “Yeah? Chickening out are ya Ace?” Ace didn’t turn around to see his face, but he sounded like he was enjoying himself. Confident, even.</p><p> “No, <em>never</em>, I’m just curious, what happened today? We don’t have to talk about it, obviously, but if you <em>do</em> you know I’m all ears, and not just because they’re big.”</p><p> 2D was spinning the ball in his lap now, that wasn’t a question he’d come prepared to answer. “It was nothing.”</p><p> “Mm.” With that Ace rolled the ball, getting exactly the right amount of pins he wanted. Stu booed jokingly until Ace got a spare.</p><p> They finished the game and decided to grab food and drinks from the bar. Turned out 2D was better at bowling when he <em>couldn’t</em> see that well, and ended up ‘winning’ (with a few calculated fuck ups on Ace’s part). They sat down at a disgustingly sticky table near the arcade machines and pool tables, 2D said he liked the sounds, and glanced over the menu.</p><p> “Is it too early for cocktails?” Ace grinned while flicking between the pages. They were extremely expensive. Extortionately expensive. Probably not even that good or alcoholic.</p><p> “No…. but yes.” Murdoc once said it was never too early to drink, then at 10am they’d find him hunched over the toilet. “I drank last night and if I see another drink I will puke on you, specifically, no one will notice though since yer green anyways.” He grinned; Ace almost <em>died</em> laughing.</p><p> They ordered some Pepsi and pizza in the end, it was a blissful silence between them as 2D picked at the corners of his pizza and sipped through the straw of his drink lazily. He wished moments like this lasted forever, he cautiously let his mind wander to their song Momentary Bliss.</p><p> “Hey Ace, can I ask you something?” He swirled his straw around the cup, watching the ice pieces float about and clink into each other.</p><p> Ace raised a brow at him and the way he’d suddenly taken on a more sombre expression, but ended up just saying sure.</p><p> “Do you ever wish you could start over? Y’know, leave all your shit behind and start new?” He was still swirling the ice, tiredness catching up to him again, he probably wouldn’t have asked that if he’d felt more awake.</p><p> Ace contemplated for a few seconds, scratching at a fake beard humorously. It got a small smile from 2D, which is what mattered.</p><p> “Suppose I do sometimes, but our experiences and what we get from them are a journey right? Makes you who you are and stuff, but it doesn’t define who you will be, if that makes sense.”</p><p> 2D was somewhat surprised at his answer, he wasn’t sure what to say in return, and the cold condensation from the glass was coating his hands and sending them into numbness.</p><p> “I’m sorry.”</p><p> “Huh?” Ace was looking at him again, halfway through his 6<sup>th</sup> slice of pizza after 2D admitted he wasn’t really that hungry, and now was taking on the job himself. “Why? I don’t mind paying if you forgot your wallet, I’ve eaten most of this anyways.”</p><p> “What? Oh no it’s not that. I’m sorry for whatever made you worry enough about me to come here this early. Don’t say you didn’t come here early for me either, ‘cause I won’t believe you.” He was smirking, but the way he was talking suggested to Ace that he was fed up.</p><p> “Okay, I did, but I was worried about Muds doing whatever he likes to you – again, 2D, man, you don’t deserve that.”</p><p> “Thanks, but I can hold my own.” He was looking into his drink again; Ace didn’t think ice was that fascinating.</p><p> “Can you? You talked big before he got back, but from what I’ve heard, you ain’t living up to that.”</p><p> 2D shrugged, he pushed his drink away, suddenly deciding he was done with it.</p><p> “Look, look at me.” Ace pointed at himself, 2D, who was now staring at his lap, brought his face up slightly, just enough to look at him a little bit. As defensive as he was being, it looked like he was on the verge of tears. “I’m sorry myself, you’re an adult, I know that, but you’re also my <em>friend, </em>and I don’t know how many friends you’ve had before, but friends look after each other. Friends don’t want to see other friends get hurt.”</p><p> 2D looked down at his lap again, he knew he was right, and he wanted so badly to believe him. That friends don’t hurt each other, and friends don’t want to see other friends get hurt.</p><p> Murdoc said he was his friend so many times. So so many times. The word rolled off his tongue like the word ‘Gorillaz’. He knew it was all a ploy to make him stay, well, he did now anyway, but it made him feel good. It made him feel like ‘oh, he said he’s my friend so everything he’s been doing to me is okay’. 2D didn’t think he knew a lot about friends at all.</p><p> “Will you let me stay here Stu? Even though I’m early as shit?” 2D didn’t notice he hadn’t replied in, what probably had been quite a while.</p><p> “You don’t need my permission.” He replied, voice hoarse and head pounding.</p><p> “But your opinion is what matters to me! Do you want me to stay?” Ace begged, clasping his hands together and pursing his lips like an overly affectionate cartoon.</p><p> 2D smiled, it would be nice having Ace around while things were so…. weird. Plus, he was his friend. His <em>friend</em>.</p><p> “Yes, I do.”</p><hr/><p> </p><p> Noodle waved Ace and 2D off as they walked down to the bus stop, since Murdoc wouldn’t let Ace drive his car and Noodle’s was at the garage, they had no option but the bus. As they disappeared from sight, Noodle turned to head back into the main room where Russ was sitting expectantly, the same thought going through his head as hers it seemed.</p><p> “I’m gonna go help Muds finish cleaning, and then I’m assuming you wanna do that talk with him.”</p><p> “Ideally.” She sighed, situating herself around the dinner table that they rarely used and drinking the tea she made about 30 minutes ago, it was undeniably stone cold. She groaned as she watched Russ head upstairs to finish the job that seemed to be taking Murdoc hours, she hoped he hadn’t been snooping through 2D’s things and stealing again.</p><p> They’d been planning to have a group discussion for a little while now, it was originally going to include 2D, but things weren’t really going to plan at the moment. Plus, it was about time they had a ‘chat’ with Murdoc.</p><p> It was about 20 minutes when they both reappeared downstairs with four bin bags between them, Noodle wondered if 2D was going to regret smashing the keyboards at least – but she supposed he could use them for spare parts. Maybe he’d been thinking of doing that anyways. The mess seemed slightly planned after all, things were all strewn in the same places, organised, careful. Calculated.</p><p> Noodle was trying not to dwell on it. She helped them dump the bin bags with rubbish in outside before making Murdoc come sit at the table with her and Russ. He looked confused but before he could ask what this was all about, Noodle stopped him.</p><p> “No no, Murdoc. We need to talk.” She looked at him pleadingly, hoping he’d be serious with them for once in his life. He crossed his arms and legs and rolled his eyes, getting far too comfortable at the table already.</p><p> “Sure.” He didn’t look sure. Russel continued where Noodle left off.</p><p> “Right, so basically, are you actually going to be serious about changing your stank attitude, because we need to know now.”</p><p> Murdoc pretended to look offended, he dropped his arms and legs from how they were crossed dramatically.</p><p> “YES, of course I am, I’m getting old y’know, too old to be cleaning up after 40-year olds at least.”</p><p> “You don’t get that right, me and Noodle get that right. It was, essentially your mess really. What were you doing leaving that amount of liquor out anyways? What do you think this is? Our <em>original</em> Kong Studios?”</p><p> “Blah blah blah blah yeah yeah I get it I get it, lay off. That wasn’t entirely my fault, all of that was in my room at one point.”</p><p> “You mean, the room you don’t use that anyone can walk into and take anything from?” Noodle chipped in again, crossing her own arms. “2D wants to stay y’know, adamant about it in fact. Even though we offered him a way out.”</p><p> Murdoc didn’t know what to say to that, briefly wondering if they were serious, they couldn’t be serious. “An out? From what?”</p><p> Russ sat up in his seat a little, being sat next to Murdoc maybe wasn’t the best idea, but he was going to be the first one to get him to shut up if he stepped out of line.</p><p> “From <em>you</em>.” Russ’s face was serious, too serious, Murdoc was squinting at him, trying to find some sort of joke in the sternness of his face – but couldn’t find any.</p><p> “And he’s choosing to stay? Soft sod, I wouldn’t. He can get any job in the world after this gig! They wouldn’t even take me on at the Kellogg’s factory, and <em>believe me</em>, I tried.”</p><p> Noodle and Russ were eyeing him up in a way that said that he shouldn’t be joking right now. But he had to joke. If he didn’t joke, then he’d have to take this way more seriously.</p><p> “I think you should go to therapy, with – or without 2D. I talked with him about it and he wasn’t 100% on board, barely 10%, and it’d mean far more, if you found it in your dead goddamn heart and <strong>you</strong> asked him.”</p><p> Murdoc burst out laughing at that, almost choking on his spit multiple times, no one was going to pat him on the back though. Not this time.</p><p> “AHAHAHAA, <em>OH</em>, you’re all so <em>FUNNY</em>, and they call <em>ME</em> the funny one… oh, you’re not joking are you?” When he finally stopped laughing, he looked around to see both Noodle and Russ were wearing faces like smacked arses, as he’d say.</p><p> “No, we’re not.”</p><p> “Just go to fucking therapy with 2D. There’s no other option anymore.” Noodle slammed her hands down on the table, standing up completely and flinging the chair back as she did so. Oh, she was getting to furious, far past mad. Purely just for the fact that he wouldn’t have this what was supposed to be short conversation with them.</p><p> “WHY? NO? Who do you think I am? There’s nothing <em>WRONG</em> with me, why do <em>I</em> have to go with him?” He was standing now too, voice raising in both octave and volume. What were they trying to say? He was fucked up? He knew that already, he didn’t need some sodding overpaid person with a degree to tell him that.</p><p> “Muds sit the fuck down and listen. You’d see for yourself why it’d help you, why it’d help BOTH of you if you gave it a chance. It’s not an easy decision but it’d be so good for you, for both of you. For all of us.” Russ was standing now too, knowing things were growing a bit out of hand but they were already at a point where it was a bit late to cool things down.</p><p> “BUT I DON’T NEED IT. Fucking WASTE of time <em>AND</em> money, just get us some good acid and a paddling pool and that’ll have the same effect!”</p><p> “UGH you don’t get it, AGAIN.” Noodle punched the table twice. “Look me in the fucking eyes, ‘<em>dad’</em>.” Murdoc gulped and looked at her from the other end of the table, taking in the way she was clenching her teeth and furrowing her brows at him like he’d killed someone. “We want to make this work; this is a solution we’re offering to you and you’re blowing us off completely.”</p><p> “Oh, and you two are making a shining effort to smooth things over with 2D are you? I never see either of you mollycoddling him, you just leave him to it until he makes himself ill.”</p><p> Noodle banged on the table again, harder, and raised her own voice. “That’s <em>not</em> true. You know that’s not true. Stop trying to provoke us, we can see what you’re doing.”</p><p> Murdoc was nervous and he felt sick to his stomach. He hated confrontation, as much as he got into it and got into serious trouble often over it, he never really enjoyed it. He didn’t want to be there. He was just going to start saying whatever defensive thing came into his head now, and then they’d be madder, but whatever, anything to end this conversation.</p><p> “I am not ‘provoking you’,” he said while doing air quotes and carrying a mocking tone, which made Noodle snarl. “Just admit it’s too damn late to fix things now, why don’t we just apologise and get along from now on yeah? Stay out of each other’s hair?” He was saying things, but he wasn’t thinking about them, he didn’t tend to think before he spoke, but definitely was doing it more than he used to. He hated it. Oh, he really hated it. The room was beginning to feel smaller, but it might’ve just been that Russ was towering over him, rather angrily at that.</p><p> “Nothing in the entire world could make up for the things you’ve done to us, to Noodle, to 2D. To <em>me</em>. You need to grow the hell up and work on yourself, you’re 53 years old Mudsock. You’re the only problem in our lives right now, and <em>you’re</em> the reason 2D’s been acting out in the first place, so <em>you</em> need to fix it.” Russ looked down at him, Murdoc was standing with his fists clenched at his sides, as if he was ready to physically defend himself. Murdoc knew that was probably what was coming next, that’s how it always went.</p><p> “Murdoc you need to fucking get a grip, because if you don’t we’re all going to start treating you like you treat 2D.” Now that was something interesting Murdoc hadn’t heard them threaten him with before. He looked Noodle dead in the eye to respond with a smile spread wide across his face.</p><p> “Oh, very sorry Princess, I will try oh so terribly harder to put up a better act around you all, so you <strong>don’t all kill yourselves in my presence.</strong>” He hissed out, and that was when it started.</p><p> Russ’s fist collided with his face first, and Noodle was already lunging over the table to land another hit on him. He couldn’t say he was surprised, and he had provoked it on himself, but he was so pissed off. In fact, he was still pissed off. He swung back at Russ with enough force to make his eyebrow split on the table as he stumbled back, he regained his composure very quickly and gave it back Murdoc’s way twice as hard, knocking him into the glass doors of the studio a good 20 feet away. Noodle had stopped advancing towards Murdoc when she realised this was a bit much, and was now desperately trying to get in between the two of them.</p><p> Russel was approaching Murdoc who was now standing, face unreadable. He originally raised his fists to fight back again, but then grabbed an umbrella from the stand by the door instead and began to approach Russel himself. Noodle yelled and hurried towards Murdoc, knocking the umbrella out of his hand with a kick and pushed him back against the glass again. Murdoc went to grab another, but Noodle was quicker, however in her attempt to get there before him he accidentally smacked her in the nose with his arm and elbow. She instantly recoiled and nursed her face with her hands, the sting of the hit vibrated through her face and she decided she quite frankly didn’t want to be involved any further. Murdoc was too busy looking stunned in her direction to notice Russ’s fist grabbing his shirt and pulling him off the ground to meet his face.</p><p> “Oh now look what you’ve done Russ! I’ve only gone and smacked Noodle in the face because I was too busy looking for a weapon to fight you off with!”</p><p> Russel was fuming, blood was dripping down his cheek onto his white shirt, but he wasn’t even slightly bothered by it. Murdoc had really done it this time. He threw him back to the ground and began to walk away, having had enough himself and prepared to walk out the door, but Murdoc got back up quickly and launched himself at Russel’s back and put his arms around his neck. Tightly.</p><p> It was then that Ace and 2D walked through the front door. They were both equally horrified and confused. Ace more so than 2D.</p><p> “Uh, regular occurrence?” He asked to distract 2D, while grabbing his wrist protectively so that he wouldn’t get involved, but of course, he was going to try and get involved anyways. He slipped out of his grasp, seeing Murdoc choke Russel was not something he thought he’d be seeing today, and it angered him. His blood was absolutely boiling, what the fuck did he think he was doing? 2D got up onto the sofa next to Russ and Murdoc and, despite Noodle’s shouts from where she was sitting on the floor cradling her face, grabbed at Murdoc from all angles in an attempt to get him to let the fuck go of Russel. When nothing else worked, and Russel was starting to struggle himself, he braced himself and went to bite Murdoc’s neck.</p><p> That worked. Murdoc immediately let go of the hold he had around Russ’s neck and fell to the ground, grabbing hold of 2D by the hair, who had tried to very quickly escape after biting him hard enough to draw blood.</p><p> “Oh, you’re in for it now.” Russ was too slow to recover from being strangled to pull 2D away, and despite Ace running over, he too was far too late too.</p><p> 2D blacked out before he even saw his fist coming.</p><p> That was when Ace decided it was enough. He stood strongly between all of them, holding his arms out to distance both Murdoc and Russel from each other and 2D who was being dragged away from the scene by Noodle who’d now crawled over.</p><p> “ENOUGH! For fuck’s sake was there any need for any of this? In the slightest?” Murdoc and Russ looked at each other and shared equally guilty looks. They’d taken it way too far this time. “You’ve even got <em>Noodle</em> involved this time! Does she <em>really</em> look like she wanted this to happen?” They both looked over to Noodle who was holding 2D’s head on her lap, tears were rolling down her cheeks onto his face rapidly. Ace grabbed them both by the shirt, lifting Murdoc up with ease to his feet.</p><p> “Kiss and makeup right now or I swear on your life Murdoc you’ll <em>never</em> see 2D again.” Ace was dead serious, and it frightened Murdoc enough that he almost did say sorry – that is, before his phone started ringing. He pulled his phone out, still very much in Ace’s increasingly tighter hold and checked who the caller was.</p><p> “Shit, it’s Jamie.” He hissed, rubbing at one of his eyes and finding it fucking stung like hell, so he wasn’t going to be rubbing it again.</p><p> “Tell him it’s not the time.” Russel spat, shaking himself out of Ace’s hold and going over to 2D and Noodle to check up on them. Ace didn’t let go of Murdoc though, half tempted to land a hit on him of his own as he stood there looking somewhat proud of himself for causing all this chaos. Murdoc chewed on his lip but answered the phone anyways.</p><p> “Ah, oh yeah, oh right now? Ah oh Jamie, you know you love me, oh you don’t? Well, tell that to my divorce lawyer, yes, no, oooh…. ah really? It’s really not the time right now. Ahaha, okay. No worries I’ll tell them.” And with that he put down the phone, the room, bar 2D, was staring at him expectantly. Noodle was the first to speak.</p><p> “What did he say?” She’d stopped crying at this point and was using her sleeves to clean the makeup off that had run down her face and on 2D’s, who Russ was now moving off the floor and onto the sofa, which made him jolt awake thankfully.</p><p> “Oh well, he said, and I quote, ‘I have a collaborator here, and you need to get your sorry arses down here in the next hour or I’ll kick them into next week.’” He pocketed his phone again and rubbed his eyes, ow, no he wasn’t.</p><p> “Ah fuck.” It was a frenzy from there of trying to sort themselves out just enough to look presentable to the collaborator, Jamie hadn’t even told them who it was. It was a struggle for sure, they were all sporting at least one black eye and there was no point trying to cover it all with makeup – it was fairly obvious from the state of them all what had happened. They just had to hope Jamie would forgive them. 2D even earned himself <em>another</em> injury between Kong and the car when he tripped over his own feet and banged up his nose and lip on the pavement, but they all just had to shovel into the car anyways and make a move on.</p><p> The ride there felt far too long, Ace had tried to convince them to let him come with them, but Noodle said he was being a worrier and that nothing was going to happen, and they’d all have to get along for at least a couple of hours. It just about convinced him, but he made sure that they’d ring him if they needed him. He really went to town with yelling at Murdoc before they left though, he took him outside the front of the studio, and you could hear him screaming at him from the rooms on the other side of the building. Murdoc had nothing to say after that.</p><p> They were all in an absolute hell of pain, and 2D’s nose was bleeding through all of Noodle’s tissues that she’d brought.</p><p> “Oi, don’t bleed on the car!” Murdoc turned in his seat to squint his eyes at Noodle and 2D who were both looking in varying states of wanting to die.</p><p> “He has every damn right to bleed in your car. You punched him” Russ snarled from the drivers seat, a little pissed he had to drive honestly, having somehow gotten beat up the least and therefore the job had been given to him.</p><p> “Fair point.” Murdoc grumbled and went back to glaring at the road solemnly.</p><p> </p><p>  They arrived at the studio with exactly 3 minutes to spare, as they piled out the car with assistance from each other they heard Jamie yell from the entrance “What the actual fuck have you done!?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the longest chapter I've ever written, the notes for this were 2,000 words long.<br/>Basically I wanted to incorporate Friday 13th but also - this was going to happen anyways. Things are only gonna look up from here I promise. I hope you're all okay again! Thank you so much for reading, and thank you for all the lovely comments. I did cry.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. You want forgiveness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>What are you willing to show for it?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> “UGHHH GRAHH HRR.” Was the first thing out of Murdoc’s mouth that morning, he’d slept past his ‘alarm’ (an alarm clock connected to a hammer that would smack into a wrestling match type bell) (the only noise loud enough to wake him in the morning), and well past lunchtime. His head was absolutely <em>killing</em> him. The knocks to his face had swollen up more than he anticipated, and he couldn’t even have a drink to take off the edge, granted, that was his own ‘stupid’ decision.</p><p> When they’d got back yesterday after what had to have been the most brutal and agonizing recording session of their lives, they’d immediately retired to their rooms. Far too tired, in pain, and just downright frustrated to even think about dinner. They were exhausted – and Jamie, as punishment for turning up to meet a collaborator looking like they’d lost a fight with angry bulls, wouldn’t let them leave until they got it right. It was hell, and Murdoc had been there, he’d know. In the end Jamie said it had kind of worked out in their favour, and when Murdoc asked what he meant by that, he just said ‘you’ll see’. Murdoc was just happy to go home.</p><p> Home.</p><p> Noodle had visited him in the night last night, eyes full of tears, again. She couldn’t sleep, and had come to him first. Like she had when she was a kid. He never knew why, and didn’t care to ask why he was the first choice. He was worried she’d give him an answer that he wouldn’t like, or wasn’t prepared to face.</p><p> She first of all upon arriving at his door criticised the <em>state</em> of his room, there were machine parts everywhere that she made a conscious choice not to ask about, knowing full well whatever it was was just going to be part of another nonsense scheme of Murdoc’s. Then stepped over everything, carefully, to sit with him on the bed. It made him nervous, and she could tell. She wouldn’t look at him, just sat cradling her fingers against the back of her knees.</p><p> “As bearable as your company is compared to everyone else in this house, may I ask, what are you doing down here?” Murdoc got out eventually, sitting up in his bed and rubbing his eyes – ow, no he wasn’t. He kept forgetting.</p><p> She bit her lip and put her hair behind her ears, if she wanted to yell at him, she would’ve done so by now.</p><p> “C’mon kid what is it?”</p><p> “Not a kid.”</p><p> “Right.”</p><p> There was silence again. Murdoc groaned and pulled himself completely out of his bedsheets to sit on the edge of the bed by her.</p><p> “I didn’t mean what I said today.”</p><p> “Yes, you did.”</p><p> “No.” He lit himself a cigarette, which Noodle lectured him about doing when there was no windows, but he just shrugged her off. He liked the stale air.</p><p> “What is it that makes you want to push us away so much?”</p><p> Murdoc looked at her curiously, slowly taking the cig from his mouth. He didn’t answer immediately.</p><p> “What is it that makes you so <em>angry</em>?” She continued, taking his silence to mean either he didn’t care, or <em>was</em> listening. She couldn’t sleep. She kept hearing the last words he said before Russ punched him on replay in her head. She kept seeing Russ fighting Murdoc’s hold. She kept seeing 2D trying to get between them and getting knocked out cold. Her face stung.</p><p> “I’m not angry now.” Murdoc couldn’t see what the big deal was. They had fallings out like this all the time – granted, less violent, but still. Plus, he’d made it adamantly clear before things got out of hand that he didn’t want to do what they were asking him to do. He could make his own decisions; he didn’t need them on his ass all the time about his behaviour.</p><p> “Well I am.” She turned to face him; eyes red from where he’d hit her with his elbow. Guilt sat in his stomach like a stone and he had to look away. “I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m <em>tired</em>.” She stood, making motions with her hands as she talked. She was always an animated speaker when she was wound up, kind of like 2D. He wondered if it was because they spent so much time together, not that he cared. Why would he care?</p><p> “I’m sorry.” He breathed out, but not much feeling behind it. She looked at him wordlessly, eyebrows raised and lip starting to tremble.</p><p> “You’re sorry.” Uh oh, that was it. The waterworks. “You’re sorry.” Tears rolled down her cheeks far too many times today, Murdoc didn’t like it, he didn’t like seeing her upset. The rest of them, whatever. But this was his dau-</p><p> “I never wanted things to go that far. I didn’t…I don’t like being <em>pushed</em> to do things. I’m Murdoc Niccals! I don’t do anything <em>anyone</em> tells me to do yeah?” She was trembling. Poor choice of words, Murdoc thought to himself. “Look look look, don’t cry don’t cry, come here.” He stood up to come towards her with his arms outstretched, he expected her to push him away, but to his surprise, she fell into his hold, dragging them both towards the dirty floor.</p><p> “I love you all so much I…. I don’t want us to fight I don’t want us to fight, I’m so tired.” She sobbed into his shirt, it was messy and snotty and weak. Murdoc wasn’t sure why <em>he</em> started crying, maybe he was just as tired. That’s what he’d say afterwards, anyways.</p><p> “I know, shh sshhhhh.” He patted her hair softly, like he did when she had a bad dream. Like he did when he told her not to worry before stepping onto the floating island. Like he did the night she came back with them to Wobble Street after he promised he’d never let her go again. “I love you all too. I have a terrible way of showing it.”</p><p> She looked up from his shirt, absolutely soaking wet now and smirked. “Terrible isn’t even the start of it. Try ‘abysmal’.”</p><p> He smirked back, holding her a little tighter. “Oohoohoo look at you, little scholar. Yeah, an <em>abysmal</em> way of showing it. But if anything happened to you all, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” His voice cracked, he was starting to break down himself, and that was something almost as ugly as his last one-night stand. “You’re…. you’re my family. You’re my family. I’d do anything for you all. I just thought you’d all be better off without me, that you don’t want me here, and started messing with 2D again just…… out of habit. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She was holding him tighter this time, hand patting his back comfortingly.</p><p> “I do. You need to communicate with us. Tell us if you’re feeling left out, tell us what you’re feeling in general. It’s ugly and horrible and it <em>hurts</em>. But do you know what hurts more? Seeing you bully 2D constantly. Go to therapy, if you hate it, fine. No one will pressure you to do anything, as you said, you’re an adult, like 2D. But he needs it, you need it. There’s 20 years of pain and hurt between you, and if you don’t try and make it right, try and understand each other at least a little bit, then this band won’t survive. This family won’t survive.” She pulled back slightly to look him in the face and wiped a tear away with her thumb. He’d ran out of energy at that point to respond, and just nodded. With that, she gave him one last tight hug that knocked the wind out of him a little and dragged him to his feet before retreating to her own room, feeling more hopeful for tomorrow. The interaction had left Murdoc a little stunned, but he felt a little better himself. Crying was supposed to make you feel better, Noodle had told him one day when he stubbed his toe on the door and just swore obscenities. Maybe she’d been right.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> He made his way to the kitchen, hoping upon hope that somehow the kitchen would be empty. It was not. Not that it appeared to matter, since 2D looked dead to the world anyways.</p><p> “Enjoying that bag of peas are we?” 2D looked up slowly from where he had his face deep in a bag of frozen peas over the kitchen counter.</p><p> “Thanks to you.” He twisted his face in agony and brought it up to his face, so he wasn’t hunched over the counter anymore. Murdoc just nodded and walked past him, wanting to comment that him falling face first on the concrete was his own fault, but deciding, in a moment of wisdom, against it.</p><p> “Sleep well?”</p><p> “Not at all.” He mumbled back through the bag, Murdoc felt ever so slightly bad for him, but it passed when he remembered his own throbbing pain in his head and behind his eyes. He opened the top cupboard where the painkillers were kept and sighed noisily.</p><p> “Eughehgh I can’t get it!”</p><p> “Ugh stop talking so loud it’s like nails on a chalkboard.”</p><p> “The painkillers are on the top shelf! I can’t reach that!” He jumped a couple of times to try and knock them off the shelf but to no avail, 2D put the bag down and grinned.</p><p> “Shame that is. Maybe they’re all the way up there because that’s the shelf <em>you</em> <em>can’t</em> <em>reach</em>. <em>Specifically</em>.”</p><p> “Oh who would do such a thing?!” He was still jumping at the cupboard, making no headway, and just making his brain hurt more as it pounded in his skull. He gave up after the seventh attempt and slumped back into the dining chairs they’d fallen out on not a day previously.</p><p> “Dunno, maybe hm, everyone? Since when you get a hold of things you either sell them off, or stick them all in a frying pan ‘just to see what’ll happen’, ring a bell?”</p><p> “Can’t recall.” Murdoc picked at his fingernails that had started to get ever so slightly too long – he usually made 2D cut them.</p><p> 2D just rolled his eyes and reached effortlessly to grab the painkillers and threw them towards Murdoc, who fumbled about before holding them in his hands gratefully. “There you go short arse.”</p><p> “Thanks.”</p><p> “Knock yourself out. Literally. Strong stuff those.”</p><p> “Mm I’ll try my best.” Murdoc saluted as 2D went back to his bag of peas, that were less frozen and more mush now. He wondered if anyone would notice if he put them back in the freezer. He didn’t eat peas anyways, terrible texture. Couldn’t stand them, Russ tried to sneak them into his meals sometimes when he wasn’t paying attention, in an attempt to get him to eat ‘healthier’ and more ‘nutritiously’ and they made him <em>gag</em>. Awful awful awful awful. They were great for when your face was burning with pain though.</p><p> “Oh fabulous! You two are here!” Ace clapped his hands in the doorway to the kitchen, making them both jump out of their skin.</p><p> “Jesus Christ!” “You loud bastard!”</p><p> “Yeah yeah. You, 2D, sit down at that table would ya, I’ll be back in exactly 13 minutes.” They both watched him with equally confused faces as he disappeared back out the door and out of sight. They looked at each other and shrugged, 2D took his place at the table - as far away from Murdoc as possible, and awaited his return in painful silence.</p><p> He came back with both Noodle, who was wearing her heart sunglasses, and Russel on either arm, neither looking too pleased to have been called to this ‘meeting’, and squirmed out of his hold to plonk themselves at the table.</p><p> “Why the sunglasses?” 2D questioned through his pea bag at Noodle, that Russ took off him with a sigh and replaced with an actual bag of ice.</p><p> “Stop using the veggies for your face man.”</p><p> “But they feel better than the ice bag.” Russ rolled his eyes at him and returned the pea mush to the freezer, they’d eaten worse.</p><p> “The sunglasses are because my eyes sting like a <em>bitch</em> and if someone doesn’t turn the light off in here I will kick the bulb out of the lampshade.” Ace, who was still standing by the door waiting for them to settle, turned the light off for her quickly. “Thanks Ace.” She sighed, pushing the glasses to the top of her head, satisfied it was dark enough that her eyes weren’t going to burn up.</p><p> “No problem, right, everyone comfortable? No? Good.” He rolled up to take a seat in between 2D and Russel, who both side eyed him tiredly.</p><p> “What’s this about, dare I ask?” Murdoc spoke up, having been quiet until now.</p><p> “So glad you asked.” Ace grinned cunningly, standing up, despite just sitting down for dramatic effect. Of course. “Since you all seem to not be able to talk to each other without causing World War 3, I will be taking over this meeting and keeping everyone in check.”</p><p> They all groaned and began to mumble over each other frustratedly, not one of them on board with the idea in the slightest.</p><p> “Oh shut it you big babies. Right, first order of business, any questions as to how this is gonna go down. Not you Muds.” He pointed at Murdoc, who had his hand raised. He put it back down reluctantly while grumbling to himself. He looked around the table once to confirm there were no questions, and went back to what he was saying. “Okay. Since we’re all on board. Glad we could all make it today; I’m Ace and I will be your host for this afternoon.”</p><p> “Was this really a choice.” 2D asked, putting the ice down on the table, much to Russ’s dismay as the water was going everywhere.</p><p> “You chose to be in the kitchen, bad luck buddy. Noodle, since you are the least guilty party in all this I’ll start with you, is there anything you’d like to say to your bandmates?”</p><p> Noodle swung her legs onto the table and crossed them along with her arms, sporting a pout that looked somewhat hilarious against her bruised features.</p><p> “Sure.” She began, wiggling her foot as she spoke. “I would like to formally apologise to Murdoc for forcing him into this when he stated multiple times he didn’t want to take part in what we were asking him to do, it wasn’t fair, and we should’ve listened. Although, you had no need to lash out like you did, but I forgive you.” She smiled, nothing malicious in her tone whatsoever, she was fondly remembering their conversation last night.</p><p> “Oh urh, thank you Noodle. You don’t need to apologise, though. I was in the wrong. I take full responsibility.” Noodle looked away but was smiling, knowing full well it was progress from yesterday, but choosing not to comment.</p><p> Ace looked between them in shock, he wasn’t expecting that right off the bat, but he wasn’t going to complain.</p><p> “Aw look at that! Healthy communication.” Murdoc put his finger up to Ace, who gave him one back. “Right, moving swiftly along, next on the list. 2D, what would you like to say?”</p><p> “Can you come back around? I need to piss.”</p><p> “Really?” Ace knew he was lying straight off; the table had turned it’s attention to 2D and he didn’t like it. It was fairly obvious from the way he’d stuck his chin in his hands and was bouncing his leg under the table. “Fine, be quick.”</p><p> He shot off as soon as Ace gave the ok, leaving the bag of ice to melt slowly on the table. No one mentioned it.</p><p> “Well, while he’s occupied, let’s move on.” He turned in his seat to face Russ, who looked far less than impressed to be there. “Sooooo.”</p><p> “No.”</p><p> “No?”</p><p> “No.”</p><p> “Aww c’mmooooon!” Ace bargained. “Noodle and Murdoc said their piece.”</p><p> “I’m not Noodle or Murdoc, I ain’t got nothing to say to him.” He said, but he didn’t leave the table. Which was good, Ace could work with that.</p><p> “Okay. That’s fine I can’t make-.”</p><p> “Muds if you so much as dare talk to me or any of us like that again, I will tear your stupid face off and hang it outside like a flag.” He snapped, coming around to the idea of telling off Murdoc rather suddenly. “Stop treating us all like hot garbage. Just stop, stop the bickering, listen to us. I’m with Noodle that yes, we shouldn’t have pushed you, but there was no need for your behaviour.” He stopped, breathing through his nose a couple of times to ground himself. Murdoc was looking at him like he’d seen a ghost. He might’ve, not entirely off the table with Russel. “That being said, I’m sorry I punched you, I knew you were just riling us up and I could’ve just walked away and cooled down. I’m sorry. Kinda had it coming, but also, it was unnecessary and, far more importantly, it upset Noodle.” He pointed to Noodle with his thumb, she looked down at her phone in her lap.</p><p> Murdoc took a few seconds to come around after that, it wasn’t often he was the one being apologised to. He felt it was undeserved in many ways.</p><p> “Thank you, Russel.”</p><p> “I’ll stop you there Muds, ‘cause you’re last on the agenda.” Ace stuck his elbow on the table and placed his pointy chin on it delicately. “Gotta wait for Dee to return and all before you begin your grovelling.”</p><p> “Oh, lucky me.” Murdoc chuckled, picking his nails again. Maybe Russel would cut them for him. Probably not. Besides, 2D always did it in a way that he liked, sharp and filed perfectly. He never asked where he learnt to do nails, or maybe he did, he probably just called him something less than nice for knowing how to do such a thing.</p><p> They waited another five minutes before Russ decided to bring up the fact that he clearly hadn’t been planning to go for a piss, and had scarpered off god knows where.</p><p> “Did I scare him off ya think?” Ace pushed his sunglasses up his nose, worried that he had in fact, scared him off. That wasn’t his intention, he just wanted 2D to speak his mind, it wasn’t like he hadn’t made it a safe environment for him to do so. This meeting was almost, entirely for him after all, even if Ace was making it out like it was for all of them, it was, but it was mainly for 2D’s sake. Then again, 2D was just an anxious person so he might just need a second.</p><p> Yeah.</p><p> “No, anything could scare him off. I’ll go look for him.” Russ began to stand, but Ace pushed him back down.</p><p> “No no as leader of this meeting, I shall go find him.” Ace placed his hand against his chest honourably, earning a glare from Russel, but he gave up quickly and told him to go ahead.</p><p> Ace was almost certain that he hadn’t gone far, he’d heard a door lock fairly close by once he’d left the room, which meant….AHA!</p><p> “2D?” He knocked on the door with the back of his knuckles lightly, he got a garbled response, which he found odd, but not implausible for 2D. “You good?”</p><p> “You don’t need to check on me, I’m not five.” He mumbled through the door semi coherently.</p><p> “Whoa! No need to get antsy, it’s just last time I checked it doesn’t take 20 minutes to take a piss.” With that, the door unlocked to reveal 2D looking displeased that Ace was there, but not particularly annoyed.</p><p> “Meeting still on?”</p><p> “’Fraid so, didn’t miss much.” Ace grinned, linking his arm up with 2D to bring him back to the dinner table. 2D attempted to argue, saying he was tired and wasn’t feeling well, but it wasn’t enough to stop Ace, saw straight through the ‘guise. They walked back in to find that no one had given up and gone to do other things, and were sitting there fairly patiently. Ace thought they must be finding this at least a little helpful, they certainly would’ve told him if they thought otherwise. They’d made it very clear to Ace when he joined them for the recording of The Now Now that Ace’s opinions were valued, but if he put his foot in it he’d know about it.</p><p>He remembered how 2D snuck around him, like if he got too close he’d get burned, but eventually warmed up to him, inviting Ace along to many game nights and private parties that were hosted in their honour that Ace wasn’t always sure he should be attending – he was only Murdoc’s replacement after all. But they insisted, <em>he</em> insisted, and so he went. And so he found himself growing ever fonder of the band.</p><p> He didn’t <em>want</em> to leave so soon after The Now Now, but Murdoc made things so goddamn awkward when he got back from prison that Ace had no choice, everyone was tiptoeing around each other like the slightest slip up would cause the whole dynamic to shatter like glass. Turned out it would’ve gone that way if he’d stayed or not. He was here now though, and even if he was putting his foot in it, to hell with it, he’d put his whole leg in it just to help them through whatever the hell was going on with them at the moment.</p><p> “Found ‘im.” Ace snickered, retaking his place at the table. 2D followed suit, retaking the bag of ice that was pretty much a bag of water now, and sticking it back on his face. “So Dee, did you wanna talk next? Fine if you don’t.” 2D shrugged, then sighed, putting the bag back down, finding no relief in it.</p><p> “Sorry for biting you Murdoc.” He said quietly, tracing rings with the water on the table.</p><p> “That it?” Ace prompted, egging him on a bit. He looked around the table, silently pleading for them to try and coax him a bit into it. Noodle caught on first.</p><p> “This opportunity’s doesn’t come around often, Ace is doing a good thing here and if you have something you want to say, no one’s going to judge you.”</p><p> 2D groaned and sank into his seat. That’s what they wanted? Fine.</p><p> “I am sick of your shit Murdoc. Sick of it. You could’ve seriously hurt Russ yesterday.” He began, he really wasn’t feeling great, and it wasn’t helping his mood.</p><p> “That’s a little farfetched.” Murdoc began awkwardly, looking up from his nails for the first time all afternoon.</p><p> “I wouldn’t say so.” Russ interjected and pressed his fingers to his throat subconsciously, he hadn’t left marks, but it still hurt like hell.</p><p> “-and you elbowed Noodle in the face! If me and Ace hadn’t come home when we did, I hate to think what you would’ve done.” He wasn’t ‘shouting’, but it was 2D level shouting. Ace took note of how he didn’t mention himself, at all. More concerned about the way Murdoc had treated the others, Ace imagined this was a common thing he did, to distract the attention from himself while still having attention on him.</p><p> “…..I’m about to apologise for that, since it hasn’t been my ‘turn’ yet, alright?” Murdoc sat up straight in his chair to look 2D in the eye across the table. The rest of the room was tense, worrying Murdoc or 2D were going to get heated, but nothing happened. 2D relaxed into his seat after locking eyes with Murdoc for a good minute, seemingly taking his word for it.</p><p> “Okay. Do it then.” Ace interrupted, not enjoying the intensity 2D was giving off next to him at all, he looked like he had a lot more he wanted to say, but was holding it back, for who’s sake, he had no idea. “Your turn Murdoc, floor is yours and all that.”</p><p> Murdoc straightened up in his seat further and cleared his throat as if he was about to read lines for a play, Noodle scoffed at him.</p><p> “Noodle, my dearest Noodle, you know I’d never harm a hair on your head, intentionally.” He looked at her, giving her all of his attention so that she’d know he was sincere. “I’m sorry, for everything. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us, and I’ve not appreciated you even slightly enough. You’re like a daughter to me, and I’ve never said that to you before, and I should’ve, because I mean it. You’re my little girl, I know you’re thirtyish now but you’re still that tiny kid in the FedEx crate to me. You’ve come so far, and I’ve done nothing but ruin things for you – for your family. I’ll do better, I’ll be better.” He grabbed her hands with both of his and held them softly, dragging his thumbs across her knuckles softly. She was crying, but smiling.</p><p> “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” She laughed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, she wasn’t the only one getting emotional though.</p><p> “I mean it. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep this family together, I swear on my rotting soul, wherever it is.” He let go of her hands slowly and turned to Russ, who was now grinning despite trying his best not to. This was the sincerest he’d ever seen Murdoc be in his life, and he wasn’t about to stop him.</p><p> “Oh, my dearest Russel-”</p><p> “Tone it down.” Russ said through his uncontrollable smile.</p><p> Murdoc coughed once. “Yes of course dear. Right, you, you big man is what holds this band together. You’re the glue of us all, the sweet talker when I can’t be, the conflict avoider. Sometimes. You’re so strong, I would give anything to have half the strength you have. I’ve seen you come out of shit I wouldn’t even be able to imagine, and you still have this huge capacity in your heart to care for others, for us, the WORLD even.” He paused, catching his breath, he wasn’t about to stop now, or he might not be able to start this again. “I’ve treated you so terribly, all of you, and yet you always come back. You’re my little family, my band of misfits. I can’t even begin to make up for everything I’ve done to you all. But I want to make a start, a good one, a fresh one. I will never be sorry enough, Russ.”</p><p> The whole table’s eyes were on him, but in a good way for once, filled with a strange fondness, well, almost everyone was looking at him that way.</p><p> “Stuart.”</p><p> “I don’t need all the sappy stuff if that’s where you’re about to go.” 2D looked at Russ for reassurance that he hadn’t been rude in saying that, Russ whispered for him to hear him out at least. “But go ahead.”</p><p> “No sappy stuff? Gotcha.” Murdoc’s energy for this was quickly fading, but this is the one that was most important to him. To all of them. “Stuart Pot, without you there’d be no band at all, you’re the singer after all, no singer no band.”</p><p> “That it?”</p><p> “What? No! Hang on, let me finish. You’re not just the singer of this band, you’re such a unique personality, not in a bad way, and I know I have some doing in that, and I can’t even apologise for that because it’s not even close to being enough, but I mean it. You’ve brought so much to this band, the way you write songs and lyrics is something I’ll never be able to wrap my tiny little pea brain around, you’re an inspiration, overly kind, hilarious when you want to be, and <em>not</em> because I’m laughing at you because I dropped something on your toe. I’ve done you wrong more times than I can count on everyone’s fingers and toes in this room, you didn’t deserve it. I apologised the other night, but I’ve thought about it, and I realised I made it all about me. This isn’t about me, this is about how I’ve truly wronged you, Stuart. In ways other people would’ve had enough of by now, hell if I were in your shoes I would’ve walked out 20 years ago.”</p><p> “I could’ve, sure.” 2D shrugged, this was all a bit much if he was being honest. He wasn’t sure what to say or how to react, and Murdoc wasn’t even finished.</p><p> “I’m sorry. You will never ever ever, have to deal with my shit again, everything is on your terms, I want you to find happiness that I wouldn’t let you have, that I took away from you time and time again because I’m a horrible evil little man.” That made 2D chuckle a little, he wasn’t wrong. “I want to do that……ughh…therapy thing with you, if you’ll let me.” Murdoc said, twiddling his thumbs nervously. He wasn’t sure where they’d go from there if he said no.</p><p> “Sure.” 2D’s head was swimming, he just didn’t know how to process all of it. Murdoc suddenly turning over a new leaf wasn’t something that just, happened, even though it was well overdue. Ace could sense his unease and decided that’d be enough, and congratulated Murdoc on sharing his feelings, to which Murdoc snarled at him back.</p><p> Murdoc was the first to leave, having nothing else to say that would elevate the mood and retiring to his basement again with a ‘see you guys for dinner, I’ll cook’ which terrified Noodle who said he absolutely would not be cooking, the man couldn’t cook to save his life and she was sick of turkey dinosaurs. The rest of them stayed around the table, waiting for 2D to respond to one of them.</p><p> Noodle reached over for his hand, that was wet from the ice and a little gross, but she didn’t mind. He didn’t look up from where he was staring at the table. “You’re okay with what just happened right? I know it was a lot, but I think that was a good start don’t you think?” Ace moved away from 2D, not wanting to overwhelm him and taking Murdoc’s seat. 2D snapped his head up to look at Noodle, but she couldn’t read his face.</p><p> “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p> “He’s not here now, if something’s bothering you, you can tell us, we won’t tell him.” 2D just ‘hmmed’ at that. Noodle shared a glance with Russ and then Ace, who appeared to share her concern, she let go of his hand and fell back into her seat, letting him take his time with whatever was going through his head.</p><p> Therapy with Murdoc? Murdoc apologising? It felt a bit surreal, like something he’d only thought about in his head, which he had, in his most desperate times at the bottom of the stinking ocean. But no, he really had just done that, all in one go, and was expecting 2D to just accept that. Accept that as it is. Could he? Should he? Would they judge him if he said he couldn’t believe him yet? Maybe he was just overthinking because he hadn’t slept, Russ said that happened, Russ was right next to him, maybe Russ was judging his thoughts right now. Maybe Ace was taking his silence as ignorance of Murdoc’s willingness to change. Maybe Noodle just wanted him to forgive Murdoc so they could all play happy families.</p><p> Maybe, but those were thoughts that he should ignore. He knew that much.</p><p> “You don’t look well man.” Ace spoke from the other side of the table, maybe he’d been a bit quick to brush him off before.</p><p> “Sure.” 2D replied, the only word he could respond with that wasn’t ‘I don’t know what’s going on please help me’, that was a bit longwinded. Did he not feel well? Did he say that?</p><p> “Actually yeah Ace is right, come lie down on the sofa.” Russ insisted, actually looking at 2D now which is what he was avoiding before in case he got annoyed at the attention.</p><p> “No.” 2D pushed his hands into his eyes as he leaned over the table, he felt fine, he thought. He didn’t know. He was crying though, oh god why was he crying, this was so embarrassing, again. He felt two different hands hold his shoulders gently, he didn’t want to cry, he wasn’t even upset. He didn’t want to look at the table and kept his hands where they were firmly against his face, gentle ‘it’s alright’s were whispered into both his ears as he sobbed softly.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>All of the comments on this, I'm literally overwhelmed, thank you so much. It fuelled me so much I got this finished in 2 hours just so I could put it out as early as possible, I hope you all like it, I cried writing it because I'm a sap, thank you all for sticking around, always always appreciated and always will be. :') Also, if there's any mistakes in this I apologise I read over it 3 times but I skim read a lot, I'll check again in the morning. Thank you thank you thank you again, I cannot stress enough how much I appreciate all of your kind words.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Damage Control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Cooking lessons and Lupita Nyong'o.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> “Can you turn it up a little?” They’d been watching this movie for ten minutes and only now had 2D decided it was too quiet, Ace didn’t mind turning it up, of course, but he thought it was a bit loud now for him.</p><p> “Potatoes in your ears or something?”</p><p> “What?”</p><p> “Potatoes? In your ears?”</p><p> “What does that mean?”</p><p> Ace thought about that for a second, he couldn’t think of what it meant himself honestly. “I……don’t actually know, thought it was an expression for ear wax or something.”</p><p> “Oh, I don’t know about that one.”</p><p> “Don’t worry about it.”</p><p> “Okay.” They let it go silent between them again, 2D focused as much as possible on the movie to avoid Ace’s worried gaze, he appreciated the concern, really, but it was unnecessary.</p><p> “You like this film?”</p><p> “Enough. It’s bloody, it’s fun, Lupita’s in it.”</p><p> “She sure is.” Ace had found her to be the best part of the film so far, but 2D said it picked up eventually, so he was sitting it out. He dug his hands into the bowl of crisps between them, realising 2D hadn’t yet picked any for himself. “C’mon.” Ace pointed to the bowl, which 2D side eyed then returned his attention back to the film quickly.</p><p> “Not hungry.”</p><p> “Can’t not be hungry for a whole day straight.”</p><p> “Don’t get hungry, unless it’s a <em>special</em> occasion.”</p><p> “High.”</p><p> “Yeah.”</p><p> “You’re a curious man, Stuart.”</p><p> “Mm so I’ve been told.” He took a handful of crisps and shoved them in his mouth anyways, crunching over-noisily, just to calm (or annoy) Ace a little. He felt bad for him sure, Noodle and Russ had gone out to go get ingredients for a <em>real</em> dinner with vegetables and y’know, meats, and Ace clearly felt obligated to stay with him for whatever reason, he’d said it wasn’t a problem, that he loved zombie movies (false) and that he had nothing better to do (true), so 2D had just shrugged and let him sit there with him on the sofa. It didn’t help that Noodle thought he was feverish, and had stated that multiple times during his awkward breakdown at the table which Ace was bound to of overheard despite leaving the kitchen area so Russ and Noodle could ‘deal’ with him privately. She was probably right, but he didn’t let her or any of them touch him to find out, so they dropped it.</p><p> Ace obviously had not dropped it.</p><p> “You don’t have to sit here, I’m done with my bi-weekly breakdown, I’m good now.” He half joked.</p><p> “I want to sit here.” He said back quickly, it sounded like he meant it, and he was looking rather comfortable with his shoes off and perched on the coffee table anyways (that Ace’d be in trouble for later, 2D was sure of).</p><p> “Ooooh dear, well this is awkward isn’t it?” They both turned to face Murdoc, who’d very quietly entered while they’d been talking, and had decided that was the best way to announce himself apparently. “Don’t stop your chinwag for me lads, I’m just here to make dinner!”</p><p> “No no no no no no no no, you’re not.” 2D waved in his direction as if to tell him to stop making his way to the kitchen, but you wouldn’t know unless you knew 2D since he was just waving his arms about randomly, it worked anyway. “Noodle and Russ have gone to get ingredients so they can cook dinner. <em>REAL</em> dinner.”</p><p> “Are you saying,” Murdoc held his hand up to his heart, Ace and 2D were already tuning out at the addition of the theatrics. “-that I am incapable of cooking a decent meal with whatever we have lying around?”</p><p> “You can’t cook a decent meal when we <em>do</em> have ingredients! You’re better at making literal poison!”</p><p> “<em>Cooking</em> and <em>science</em> are the same thing essentially! You know nothing.” Murdoc huffed, but began to retreat to his room anyways at the rejection. 2D and Ace looked between each other and then back to where Murdoc was slumping away like a kicked puppy.</p><p> “Jesus Christ stop looking so sorry for yourself, here, uh come watch the movie with us.” 2D got out quickly and turned back around so he wouldn’t have to see Murdoc’s reaction to his invitation. Ace nodded at Murdoc as if to say that he meant it when Murdoc didn’t make any effort to come towards the sofas, only then did he cautiously made his way over to their little movie set up. He sat as far away as possible, though. Ace did an ‘I’m watching you’ motion with his hands at Murdoc while 2D wasn’t looking, or, at least he thought he wasn’t anyways.</p><p> “Ah yes! I forgot, Noodle text me, got the lurgy have you?” He said while he sat, not necessarily in a mocking way, but close enough. 2D didn’t look away from the movie to reply, but his mouth twitched in annoyance. Everyone was always so quick to talk about him behind his back, it was getting a bit grating, but not the worst thing in the world all things considered.</p><p> “Dunno, if I do I’ll give it you first, don’t worry.”</p><p> “Well Stu I’m ecstatic at that notion, thank you, you’re truly a very generous man.” Murdoc followed Ace’s lead of sticking his feet (but with shoes) on the coffee table too, Ace shoved Murdoc’s foot back a bit with his own when they got too close, because he didn’t want Murdoc’s nasty feet near <em>his</em> nasty feet. Terrible combination. Murdoc scowled at Ace then turned his attention to the movie. “What’s this one then?”</p><p> “Little Monsters. It’s new, ish.”</p><p> “Ew.”</p><p> “It’s got Lupita in it.” Ace chimed in.</p><p> “I take back that ‘ew’.” Murdoc stuck his hands behind his head, looking far too comfortable for Ace’s liking, but 2D wanted him to join them, so join them he shall. Sure, 2D and Murdoc <em>could</em> get along, they had their moments, and it was never 2D’s fault really when things went sideways, Murdoc just…didn’t like him, and made it is as clear as day whenever possible. What 2D couldn’t get, and couldn’t wrap his head around, was that Murdoc thought of them all as his family, when he couldn’t stand him, him specifically. As long as 2D had known Murdoc, he’d not once tried to act like a <em>friend</em>, never mind <em>family</em>. He didn’t even know why he hated him so much, Russ said he was jealous of him, 2D supposed that made sense. Was it even hate? Was it just boredom in his own life driving him to bully 2D senseless?</p><p> 2D turned off his thoughts, knowing full well he’d just be getting himself worked up again. He just needed to chill, watch this movie, then let Murdoc do whatever Murdoc wanted to do to make himself feel better about treating them all like shit all this time (which for some reason started with cooking, man’s heart through his stomach and all that, 2D supposed was his reasoning). 2D thought it’d be amusing at least to see him try, even if he failed and created another plastic hell hole for himself somewhere incredulously far away from them all, never to be seen again. It wouldn’t surprise him even slightly if Murdoc suddenly came out with an idea that only benefited himself and left before even thinking about righting his wrongs, he’d left them before in many similar ways.</p><p> Movie, back to the movie.</p><p> “Aw look at all of you sitting in here, not fighting.” Noodle was struggling with three bags, not with the weight but with how awkwardly she was having to carry them. That was far more than a ‘few ingredients’. “I <em>would</em> take a picture, if I had hands left.” She cleared her throat, making a show of how much she was struggling with the bags and hoping one of them would get the hint.</p><p> “Got carried away with the ol’ ‘Murdoc’s platinum credit card’ did we?” Murdoc raised his eyebrow at her from his position on the sofa, she nodded gleefully.</p><p> “Yep! Lots of sales on today.”</p><p> “I sure bloody hope they were on sale.” Murdoc mumbled while getting to his feet to actually come help her, she just dumped them all in his arms with a mischievous grin when he got over there. Russ entered shortly after she did and was struggling with a similar amount of bags on one arm and Murdoc’s massive set of car keys (mainly tacky keyrings) in the other. He locked eyes with Ace and 2D immediately, he didn’t look particularly impressed he’d been the one to go out shopping, but they all knew he wouldn’t complain about it, at least not in front of Noodle.</p><p> “<strong>You</strong>, come here and help too, you ain’t living here for free.” Russ pointed at Ace with his key hand and grinned, but he wasn’t joking, Ace obliged while grumbling to himself, 2D attempted to join them but Russ stopped him with his arm in front of the door before he could reach the kitchen where everyone else was putting things away, and lightly, but loudly arguing about where things were kept.</p><p> “I’ll help.”</p><p> “Gonna let me take your temp?”</p><p> “No.”</p><p> “Then sit.” He shooed 2D away from the kitchen, 2D didn’t bother to argue and just resat on the sofa and turned the movie up some more, suited him anyways, he always ended up forgetting where he put things when he put stuff away in the kitchen, only to find they’d gone mouldy months later under the sink or behind the fridge – or on special occasions, in the hood of Murdoc’s car.</p><p> He’d deny all knowledge of those incidents.</p><p> Ace returned after what felt like forever to come take his place on the sofa again, looking exhausted from being directed to where things were kept and how things were to be arranged, very meticulously, not that Murdoc was paying any attention in the slightest to where <em>he</em> was putting things. At least Ace tried.</p><p> “Kicked out too?”</p><p> “Fortunately, don’t want to be in there anytime soon. Noodle and Russ are teaching Muds how to cook.”</p><p> 2D scrunched up his face at the idea, he’d rather be anywhere else than that kitchen right now.</p><p> “Poor bastards, if you hear any knives clinking about just duck beforehand, word of advice.” He sank further into the sofa, letting Ace turn the TV down without complaint.</p><p> “I’ll keep it in mind.” Ace wasn’t entirely sure if he was joking, he decided it wouldn’t do him any harm to take his word.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> “I did know how to cook at one time in my life, honest, just wasn’t for me, think my speciality is in emoji potato shapes.” Murdoc inspected the pepper in his hand like he was admiring a diamond, Noodle was looking unamused already, and they hadn’t even started yet.</p><p> “We’re making a curry. A curry, can you handle a curry?” She placed the ingredients from the specific bag they’d left out, so they knew where all the ingredients were. “Speak now.”</p><p> Murdoc placed the pepper down and saluted. “Yes chef! I can handle a curry.”</p><p> She tried not to smile, but it got through a little anyway. “Good. Honestly, you should be showing me how to cook not the other way around, you’re in your fifties!” She began to hand him a knife, then sighed. “Will you behave if I give you this?”</p><p> “Scout’s honour.”</p><p> “Uh huh.”</p><p> “Are you enjoying the show dear Russel? I’m going to cook you such a delicious meal you’ll wish you could eat it every day for the rest of your life.” Russ was sitting at the dining table as ‘damage control’, plus, he felt they’d all fall out far quicker if they all tried to cook at once, it was better this way. Russ looked up from his book to raise his eyebrow at him then shake his head, going straight back to his book when he was greeted by Murdoc’s ‘up to no good’ face. Murdoc scoffed at him and returned to what Noodle was setting up for him. Chopping board, veggies, tofu, all the bad stuff.</p><p> “Here.” Noodle handed him an apron that he had never seen anyone in the house wear in his life, it was bright yellow chequered and had frills around the hem all the way, it looked like it had come from someone’s grandma’s house.</p><p> “You know me so well, this really suits my complexion you know.” Noodle smirked.</p><p> “Just put it on, you’ll only complain if you get your oh so precious black shirt and black trousers dirty again.” She was right, he would. He did as he was told, it was huge on him, but he assured himself he looked dashing. In his head and out loud.</p><p> “Right onto this cooking business now yeah?” He began chopping at the vegetables in front of him, not paying attention in the slightest to how Noodle was watching him.</p><p> “Wait a second…..are you <em>dicing</em> the vegetables?” She put down her own knife and crossed her arms.</p><p> “Yes? WAIT, NO!” He quickly backtracked, fuck.</p><p> “You <em>DO</em> know how to cook!”</p><p> “NO I DON’T!”</p><p> “LIES! Twenty years of cooking you owe us; I hope you’re going to enjoy it as much as I am.” She was annoyed, but it was a little funny. Out of all the things Murdoc had done over the years, this one was possibly the most harmless. “Me, Russ and uh, kind of 2D have been cooking this whole time when you knew how to cook, and could’ve contributed for once in your life? <em>Unbelievable</em>, but also not unbelievable at all.” Russ wasn’t surprised either, didn’t once look up from his book, he had his suspicions years ago, it was just a Murdoc thing to do.</p><p> “Hit the nail on the head, I’m just a lazy bastard.” He grinned, going back to the vegetables, though he wasn’t looking forward to cooking for the rest of his miserable life. He knew how to cook, of course he did, he lived on his own for years, learnt even <em>more</em> skills in prison, but he would’ve sooner let the band starve than have to cook dinner for them frequently. He wasn’t an idiot.</p><p> “I might as well let you take over, since you clearly know what you’re doing. Poison the food and I <em>will</em> know.” She resigned her share of vegetables to him and went over to the table to sit with Russ who offered her a book from his pile, feeling rather pleased with herself.</p><p> “Oho, I don’t know that you would.”</p><p> “Oh, I would. You forget where I come from.”</p><p> “I try my best to, they kept rejecting the crate when I tried to send you back.”</p><p> “Hilarious.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> 2D wasn’t sure if he should be concerned about the amount of laughter coming from the kitchen or not, it wasn’t Murdoc’s what he called ‘evil’ laugh, so they were probably okay for now. It was still jarring to hear them laughing and getting along so suddenly, but then again, Noodle and Russ were probably finding it easier to forgive him.</p><p> “Hey, Ace.” He looked to his left for the first time since the movie ended, he’d been staring vacantly at the screen that had paused itself directly after the movie, and had made no effort to change it to something else. He forgot Ace was there he’d been so quiet, and figured he at least would’ve changed it by now. The reason he hadn’t, is that he was fast asleep against the arm of the sofa, curled up slightly and drooling a little. “Pfft, aw.”</p><p> 2D stood and dragged a cover from one of the other sofas to place over him gently so not to wake him, he sat back down once he’d completed that task, feeling worn out now himself. He listened to him snore, sort of loudly, for a little while while he contemplated things.</p><p> He hadn’t felt this warm in a long time, people caring about him, even if it was a little too much -overcompensating, 2D thought, it was still nice. He made a note in his mind to say thank you at some point, at least to Ace, Noodle and Russ, for looking out for him. He’d had enough of being smothered sure, but he decided it wouldn’t hurt to let them look after him a little too, it wasn’t a bad change of pace, and it wouldn’t last forever, so he might as well take the opportunity while it was there.</p><p> Russel’s laughter echoed through the building, and he felt like maybe things would be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Short but hopefully sweet chapter for you all. :') More to come very soon.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Pick yourself up, it's a brand new day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mario Racers</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> “So Jamie said, basically, without all the nitty gritty bits in the middle that I’m sure we don’t need to concern ourselves with,” Noodle raised her eyebrow at him, Russel doing the same, but he continued. “-that a camera man caught footage of me and 2D’s um…. ‘joyride’ and they’re going to use it for the Aries video instead of what we had planned originally.”</p><p> Noodle clinked her fork against her plate a couple of times, grabbing his attention. He’d been on the phone with Jamie for a good hour and a half (whilst eating disgustingly loud down the receiver) about the new video concept art and what they were going to do about the Aries video. Noodle didn’t really like the sound of them using the footage from that bike ride. It didn’t exactly end well and it was a bitter memory for all of them.</p><p> “Okay, so what you should’ve done is you should’ve come in here and asked 2D what he thought about that, instead of agreeing.” She pushed her empty plate towards him and pointed at it. “And for that you can do the dishes.”</p><p> Murdoc groaned loudly, making a show of how much it was putting him out of his way but collected everyone’s almost empty plates anyways. 2D was just grinning silently at Noodle from across the table. It was nice having her stand up for him like that, it’s something none of them would even have batted an eyelid at before, a minor inconvenience (for them).</p><p> “If you had asked me, I would’ve said I didn’t mind by the way.” 2D directed at Murdoc’s hunched over position at the sink, Murdoc grunted in response while scrubbing with vigour away at the dishes, using his long nails instead of the scourer much to everyone’s horror. Murdoc wanted to argue, or bicker that Jamie hadn’t really given Murdoc all that much of a choice, he’d basically said, and he’d quote this if you poked him enough for it: ‘It’s all you fuckin’ left us with to use you twats, what were you <em>THINKING</em>?’, so, that was that really. No point in trying to weasel their way out of that, and none of them wanted to try and film that video again, not if their lives depended on it.</p><p> “Look, we get that video out the way, get this Friday 13<sup>th</sup> one out of the way, then we can move on to plan something bigger and better, put all this fighting shit behind us and do something fun, like the old days.” Russel interjected, getting up from the table and dropping his dish in the sink, splashing Murdoc with a smirk, which Murdoc returned, and splashed Russel back tenfold.</p><p> They all seemed to agree with that, if not to snub out the argument before it started.</p><p> Everyone left the dinner table then, not wanting to get involved in any of the waterworks going on by the sink area as Russel and Murdoc began a petty little dirty sink water war. That left the rest of them to make their way back into the main room and plonk themselves around the TV.</p><p> “Are any of those dishes even going to be clean if he does them?” Ace inquired, sticking his legs over both 2D’s and Noodle’s laps from the far end of the three-seat sofa.</p><p> Noodle dug her phone out from her shorts before Ace could trap it in there with his legs. She tried not to think about their barely clean cutlery, as if that wasn’t a regular occurrence.</p><p> “I can assure you, no matter how badly he cleans up those dishes, we have all eaten off of worse.”</p><p> “Yeah, like in our original Kong Studios back in the early days, if Murdoc had broken all the plates we’d just eat straight from the pan, or the table, or, if he’d broken the table, the kitchen counter.” 2D shuddered.</p><p> “Directly off it?”</p><p> “Ugh, yes.” “Yes.”</p><p> “Man and I thought <em>I</em> was gross, I thought <em>you</em> guys were gross.” Ace pulled a face at the thought, he knew they weren’t the cleanest from the time he’d been living with them for The Now Now’s tour, but it wasn’t that bad, liveable and someone always cleaned up eventually when the smell got too bad. He couldn’t speak for Murdoc though; he was the least cleanly of them all hands down, and Ace counted himself lucky that this was his first experience with it.</p><p> “So what now guys? Any ideas for how to spend this lovely <em>family</em> evening together?” That was the agreement over dinner, they’d have a family night in, Russel’s suggestion in fact. The idea of one wasn’t unappealing by any means, but it was almost always bound to go wrong somehow, and they all felt that anxiety of uncertainty whenever they got together to do anything these days, particularly and almost exclusively when Murdoc was involved. This was going to be more of a trust exercise than a bonding activity.</p><p> “Whatever.” 2D shrugged, admiring Ace’s patches he’d sewn onto his trousers and picking a little bit at the seams, which Ace didn’t appear to mind. He remembered helping him sew a few on once from the tour, to remember them by. Better times, but there was no use thinking about them, Murdoc was back, that was that.</p><p> “Got games?” Ace said without looking up from his own phone. “<em>Everyone</em> likes games right? What’s that one you kept making us play on the tour bus that I could never win, Mario racing, Mario chasing?”</p><p> Noodle chuckled to herself and pulled the game from the bookcase behind the sofa. “Mario <em>Kart</em> you mean?”</p><p> “That’s the bastard!” Ace clicked his finger in front of his face and grinned slyly. “I knew that I was just messing with ya.”</p><p> “Uh huh sure you were, I’ll go ask those two if they want to join, if they haven’t drowned each other in the sink that is.” She threw Ace’s legs off of her lap forcefully, which ended up swinging him back into an actual sitting position. He watched her leave the room yet again astonished by her strength. She was the only person in the house he was genuinely afraid of, if she wanted to fuck you up, and Ace had seen this first-hand, she would. She wouldn’t even break a sweat while doing it.</p><p> “She’s scary y’know.” Ace relaxed back into the seat, not really looking for a reply but getting one anyways.</p><p> “You think so?” 2D blinked at Ace a couple of times, but he was too busy staring at a growing water stain on the ceiling to notice. “She’s stronger than any of us by far sure, has been since she was a little girl, but I wouldn’t say she’s scary.”</p><p> “Pffffft tell that to her face.” Ace laughed, not by any means meaning it.</p><p> “That’s not nice.”</p><p> “I am 100% joking! She’s got a baby face like you! Besides if she heard me say that I could kiss my ass goodbye.” He laughed harder, his infectious laugh caught on quickly and soon 2D was laughing too. 2D felt he was allowed to laugh around Ace, freely. Not so afraid of getting it wrong, laughing at the wrong thing at the wrong time because he’d thought it was funny, but the mood wasn’t right, Ace was safe. Ace was safe.</p><p> “And what are you two giggling about?” Noodle returned with a water splashed Murdoc and Russel, who were both side eyeing each other and grinning like they’d been up to no good.</p><p> “Nothin’ at all.” Ace winked smoothly whilst 2D was trying to cover up his laughter with his hand. Noodle rolled her eyes and retook her seat on the sofa. Murdoc and Russ sat on opposite sides of the room so they’d pay attention and not pick at each other. Neither made any attempt to dry themselves off or change clothes.</p><p> “Rules are, no fighting, no arguing, no…. whatever’s going on with you two.” She pointed to Russ and Murdoc individually, Murdoc put his hands up in feign innocence and Russ snickered. “And NO, and I cannot stress this enough, breaking the Switch. This is the sixth one in three months.”</p><p> “Money is no object when it comes to things like that, what’s the big deal?” Murdoc butted in, unwelcomed by Noodle who was staring him down like he’d said something outrageous, but was fairly true.</p><p> “The big deal is that I have to replace everything in this house all the time because no one else remembers! I’m sure we can last one night without violence towards the poor console.” She went over to the console and put the game in and handed out the controllers, snatching Murdoc’s back before he could take it from her hands with a smile. “Don’t break it.”</p><p> “I shan’t.”</p><p> “Hm.” She dropped it in his lap with a grin.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p> The game went by without a single complaint, Murdoc was being very mindful of his rage every time he lost, which was a lot (he did make the excuse that he didn’t grow up with video games, as well as that his fingers were too long for the controller, and that he wasn’t wearing his glasses (that he didn’t need and has never worn)), but they got through it and actually ended up having a good time, everyone else was fairly decent at Mario Kart so the playing field was even. Ace, Noodle and Murdoc retired to bed immediately after the last round, stating that they were full of food and that Murdoc actually had ‘big plans’ for tomorrow, so everyone should get some rest. This only briefly worried everyone, and they decided his ‘big plans’ could do harm in the morning, right now was time for sleep.</p><p> This left Russel and 2D, alone.</p><p> “Not tired Russ?” 2D yawned, sprawling out on the sofa as much as his long legs could accommodate. “Me either.”</p><p> “Says the man who just yawned, I’m a little tired but I wanna stay up a little, face is hurtin’ y’know.”</p><p> 2D nodded, they were all in a similar boat after all.</p><p> “I’m sorry he attacked you like that.” 2D started unprompted when Russ moved to sit closer to 2D, since he seemed to want to continue the conversation. Russ looked at him a way that said to 2D to elaborate, and another look 2D couldn’t make out entirely but it was either sympathy or regret. “You guys started fighting again, I’m sorry. It only happens because of me.” He played with his shirt as he spoke so he wouldn’t have to gauge Russel’s reaction. He wasn’t sure why he was even bringing it up, it wasn’t his fault, he knew that, but he hated seeing them all hurt. He knew they hadn’t always felt the same about him, but he felt deeply for all of them. Although that wasn’t entirely fair, Noodle was a kid at one point, Russel had his own demons. They always have their own thing. It wasn’t fair, none of it was fair. Murdoc wasn’t fair.</p><p> Russ sighed deeply as if in thought, but didn’t say anything. 2D, worried he’d overstepped his boundaries or upset him, was about to apologise when he started to speak again.</p><p> “It didn’t bother me, and it’s not your fault. You know it’s not your fault.” 2D nodded slightly, yeah he knew. He knew. It had been drilled into him enough by now. “I think what you meant to say, was sorry that he’s like that, which again isn’t your fault. Me and Noodle held our own back there, we would’ve kicked him far harder than he could punch, if it came to it. We just didn’t wanna get too rough with him, unlike him we have a heart and know when enough’s enough. Also he’s older than he pretends to feel, if we snapped him in half that might be it.”</p><p> 2D not once looked up from his shirt, he felt his face burning, he didn’t know why.</p><p> “Besides all that, we’re all okay, it’s a new day, and tomorrow’s another one. It’ll all work itself out and if it doesn’t – bye Murdoc, hello Ace.” 2D turned to look at Russel just in time to see him smiling. 2D smiled too, bye Murdoc. Hello Ace.</p><p> “Russ?”</p><p> “Yeah?”</p><p> “Am I different?” 2D didn’t need to elaborate this time, Russ knew exactly what he meant.</p><p> “For the better, I’d say. Despite everything. It’s been hard seeing you like this but it’s better out than in, I know that for a fact.” This didn’t appear to ease 2D’s concerns. “Why are you worried about that? People change, part of life.”</p><p> “Yeah, dunno, just thinking.” Russ didn’t interrupt the silence as he appeared to think again, waiting for him to draw his own conclusion on it. He did that a lot. “I want people to see me, but I don’t.” He sat up then, crossing his legs and twiddling his fingers together. He was more bothered by it than what Russ originally thought. “I used to not want any of this, the attention. But lately I wanted it, and I don’t wanna want it, what if that makes me a bad person? I don’t wanna be a bad person. But I wouldn’t know if I was, I don’t know me.”</p><p> Russ laughed softly, not in a way 2D could interpret as laughing at him. “Dee, Murdoc told you you weren’t allowed to have it, very very early on in all of this. It was his.”</p><p> “Yeah and tha-”</p><p> “Hang on a sec. Now, you have had that attention. How did it feel?”</p><p> Russ studied his face, 2D looked almost embarrassed to answer.</p><p> “…Good.”</p><p> “Better than any hook up I imagine. Better than booze and drugs and parties. Why do you think that is? That the genuine attention is somehow weird to you? That you find yourself craving more?”</p><p> 2D sighed, chipping the red nail varnish from his little finger slowly.</p><p> “I dunno.”</p><p> “Because human beings need attention. We all need love.” He moved to sit next to 2D on the sofa, when 2D didn’t give any sign of wanting otherwise, he sat. “We need it. It’s okay to want it, there’s a line sure, but wanting to be loved and cared for, that’s a good thing Dee, it’s something I haven’t seen you want before, and you still don’t ask now. Putting on a whole lot of shows for it, but you don’t ask. You don’t ask for comfort, you don’t ask to be loved, you don’t get all those things without asking because you know someone would take them away.”</p><p> 2D bounced his leg wildly, nail varnish chippings lining his knee.</p><p> “The Now Now was a big turn around for you, not in a bad way. Not even slightly. Even if there’s some questionable things you’re doing now, we know why. It’s alright.”</p><p> “Can I hug you?” 2D said without looking up from his knee. There was nothing he could say to respond, and he knew he was right. He knew. He knew it all deep down. He liked the attention because it was real. It was realer than anything he’d been shown before.</p><p> People could care for him too.</p><p> “’Course.” Russ opened his arms and 2D buried himself in, silently and without further comment. That’s how they stayed.</p><p> Tomorrow was a new day.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>More to come soon I hope, thank you again for everything.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. You can call me Mad and Stifled</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> No alarm was required today, since Murdoc had taken to banging pots and pans at the ungodly hour of 6am.</p><p> “Fuck! Fuck!! Fucking stop it!” Within the first few seconds of him starting, Noodle had already swung the door to her room open and effectively flattened him with it. She stood over him wearily as the rest of the doors along the corridor flung open in unison.</p><p> “What the bloody hell are you doing?!” Murdoc snorted, picking himself up to save face that he’d already lost. “You could’ve killed me!” - an over exaggeration by a mile.</p><p> “I should be asking <em>you</em> that.” She prodded her finger into his chest, her hair was sticking up in every possible direction, and Murdoc was biting down hard on his gums to refrain from laughing, knowing full well it would get him at least a smack around the head.</p><p> “You’re all up right?” He looked around the room and pried Noodle’s finger away from his chest gently, once he counted four heads, he smiled from ear to ear. It was probably supposed to look friendly; it was not succeeding in its attempt. “Very good, well get a move on already so I can tell you all my big plans for today.” He left promptly before the ‘what’s?’ and ‘hang on’s’ came in.</p><p> “I don’t even wanna know.” Russel sighed, rubbed his face, and returned to his bedroom without a second thought, leaving the rest of them to exchange worried glances.</p><p> “I’m not getting involved.” 2D admitted, and closed himself in his room next. Leaving Ace and Noodle alone. Ace shrugged when they met eyes in the hallway, there was no point in speculating, with Murdoc’s track record, it could be anything.</p><p> Despite everyone looking as if they’d rather be anywhere else, they all still came down to the main room around the same time, if nothing else, out of pure curiosity. They found Murdoc twiddling his thumbs at one of the studio’s many tables with his back turned, looking, if it was even possible, slightly nervous. Noodle coughed once for his attention and he flinched, before regaining his composure and swirling himself around in his seat ungracefully.</p><p> “Aha! There you all are. Took your time but I’ll let you off this once. Sit sit.” He gestured for them all to sit on the surrounding sofas, no one moved immediately, hesitant as to what he was up to, before reluctantly seating themselves around him as he moved his chair to the middle of the room. “Excellent. Everyone ready?”</p><p> “Muds what’s this whole song and dance for? Did we really need to be up this early? I know you don’t sleep but the rest of us are human.” Russel glared, crossing his arms, and earning an identical glare back.</p><p> They stayed like that for what felt like hours before Murdoc clicked back into presenter mode and slapped a smile back on his face. “Well my dear Russel, I have plans. Plans for today, plans for tomorrow. Lots of them, all will be explained.”</p><p> “Your version of an explanation is debatable.” Noodle didn’t look up from her phone, but she knew he was giving her a Look.</p><p> “Enough of that enough of that, right. Straight to the point then. I want to make a portal.”</p><p> The whole room went into a dead silence, trying to process exactly what just came out of his mouth, and why, more importantly.</p><p> “Murdoc.”</p><p> “Yes yes I know it sounds ridiculous, but I have an idea you see and-”</p><p> “That’s ridiculous.” Noodle stated flatly. “You’re ridiculous.”</p><p> Murdoc looked hurt, in his own way, which quickly turned to defensive.</p><p> “I have good reason! If you hear me out instead of accusing me of acting up I’ll tell you!”</p><p> “Go on then.” Noodle was the only one who dared to speak, the rest of them were already tired of the conversation, disappointment filled the air like a thick cloud of smoke.</p><p> “Um, I don’t have everything worked out yet but I promise it’ll make sense! It will!”</p><p> “Get out of my sight.”</p><p> “Russel, c’mon..”</p><p> “No, you clearly don’t know how to behave. I’m with Russel. Go think about what you just said us all, and why we’re not backing you up. Come back when you’ve sorted your shit out. I can’t believe this.”</p><p> “FINE.” He jumped up suddenly from where he was sitting, knocking the chair straight down with a hard bang that made 2D bolt awake, since he’d fell asleep as soon as the yelling started. Ace just watched in horror as Noodle and Russel stood up too, but fortunately, Murdoc slinked off with a ‘slam’ to his basement door before it escalated.</p><p> “Well, that was certainly worth waking up early for I don’t think.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is short on purpose. I have....ideas.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>